How To: Have Morphia Induced Dreams...

For those that do not know, I have recently been in hospital for an operation. The first night I was pretty out of it, due to the general aneasetic. But the second night in, I was given Morphine based pain killers and they messed with my dreams HEAPS! So, below are the following dreams I had on this particular pain pill... hope you have a giggle like I did the next morning!

1. First up, the Troll from Dora the Explorer singing "You've gotta Toll" - with Dora singing back up vocals. 
2. 
   
3. Got woken up by the blood pressure trolley rattling down through the ward and it was interpreted in my dream as someone trying to break down the back door
4. 
   
5. Jennifer Anniston dressed up in a fairy princess dress telling me that she's my supplier... my pillow supplier!
6. 
   
7. Then I went swimming with Dory
8. Toddler some how turned up asking me for monkey, then when I dropped it, it turned into skittles and baked beans and then started popping into popcorn 
9. The Popcorn from before turned into a zebra with Donkeys voice from Shrek
10. Had a dream about trying to find miniature models of the Titanic- aparently there is a set and it is very nice
11. The new yellow flea repellent carpet is now the in thing (had earlier in the day been discussing how to get rid of fleas in the carpet with MIL)
12. Don't know what I had dreamt,  but at one point I woke up with a desperate need for the milk in the fridge!
13. Popcorn, nonstop coffee maker is the new "in thing"
14. Don't know why donuts don't grow on trees, but they make a nice wall decorations
15. New coloured chalk needs to be grated into sand before we leave (didn't know where were were going in the dream, but it was important to grate this damn chalk!)
16. I was in a lift with a lawyer on our way to the courtroom to prosecute someone
17. Back in high school now and trying to book a meeting with my dean at Massey... glad I woke up when I did- I hated that school!
18. Singing with SIA and for once I can sing! (Because I have her magic wig!)

Hope you managed to have a giggle - eventually I will write an account on how it is to recover from surgery when you have a Toddler and Hubby and Trusty Grandpa looking after said Toddler... but still having moments of exhaustion and unable to focus long enough to really write it all down! For now, enjoy the above!

How To: Put on a raincoat

This morning my house was a mess. It was. I had laundry all over the place, thanks to the Toddler having heaps of fun flying it around (probably thinking he was a twister) His toys were also all over the floor - so it was covered in a mixture of Duplo, Toy Cars, Trains and Train Tracks! Oh and we still had last nights dinner dishes and this mornings breakfast dishes on the bench waiting to be washed...

All of this was because I was so absorbed in calling places and arranging things that had to be sorted before my surgery. I spent a fair amount of that time on hold, to which I used the time to vacuum behind the bed and practicing my vocal skills by singing along to the different tunes they had for the hold music. Throughout the morning, I was on the phone to WINZ - They like Brooke Frazer for their hold music, Spark - who chose 60's boy bands for theirs and many other agencies to find out what I might be eligible for post surgery for help in looking after the Toddler (nothing really BTW as because I am going private, I don't qualify...)

Anyway... because I had spent most of the morning on the phone and on the odd moment making sure Toddler was fed, I not only forgot to feed myself and tidy the house  - I also forgot to keep an eye on the time. By the time I had finished my final phone call, I was running late for my Physio appointment.

I only had 10 minutes (if that) to get ready and leave. I quickly locked the house up, got dressed (yes, it was one of THOSE days) helped the Toddler put on his shoes and packed a bag full of toys to help keep them occupied while I was using the machines and doing my stretches.

I managed to get there in time, but it was raining and I had forgotten my raincoat - but never fear! I had the Toddler's ready for him.

Below is how we managed to put his rain coat on and what happened in my physio appointment, enjoy!

1. Pull up at the Physio's
2. Manage to park in the sole parking spare (score! It has been raining all day, and it's usually go another car in it)
3. Get out the car and set up pram
4. Realise that own raincoat is NOT in the boot of the car like you had thought
5. Decide to hurry and get inside as quickly as possible
6. Put Toddler in pram and pick up their rain coat to put on
7. A big down pour starts and it is a 2 minute walk inside
8. Flip the roof of the pram up and fling the hood of Toddlers face (like a coat rack) and take off at speed to get out of the rain
9. It takes about 2 minutes to get inside, but which time I am drenched
10. Walk in the door and flip roof of pram back to find Toddler with his rain coast still over his face!
11. Crack up laughing and take rain coat off
12. Toddler puts it back on over his face - we then start a game of peek a boo
13. Eventually Toddler tires of the game and wants to get out of the pram
14. Physio appointment begins
15. Open Toddler's toy bag and let him play with the items
16. Sit on exercise bike and this time manage to do 6 minutes (last time it was 3!)
17. While on the exercise bike, Toddler inspects every piece of equipment in the room
18. Toddler then wants a turn on the bike
19. Each piece of equipment I use from there on, Toddler then copies each action "My Turn!"
20. At the end while we sit down to discuss the plan post surgery, Toddler decides they are thirsty - they remember that they saw a water cooler in the waiting room
21. Toddler goes into the waiting room and pours water into a cup
22. Toddler sits quietly in a chair for a moment drinking the water then gets an idea
23. Toddler decides that both Mummy and the Physio need a drink too!
24. Toddler fills up two cups and gives one to each of us
25. Finish the appointment and strap Toddler into the pram to go home
26. While walking past the waiting room see that Toddler has emptied the WHOLE water cooler all over the table and floor... 
27. Point out mess to the Physio and offer to clean it up
28. Physio assures me that she has boys of her own, so she knows what it is like and I have enough on my plate
29. Feel somewhat guilty, but also relieved that I don't have to clean up the mess
30. Walk out the door into the rain again and have a giggle at Toddler putting his rain coat on again (Yup, over his head :-P)

How To: Find out you need to have Surgery

1. Have spinal surgery in 2015
2. Spend next 18 months or so with Leg pain down leg
3. Make constant visits to the GP to try to find out what is causing mysterious cramping and pain down left leg (but not the right)
4. Go for numerous amounts of scans, CT's and MRI's with not much luck (except a possible case of PCOS)
5. Get recommended to go on a Dairy and Gluten Free Diet by the GP
6. Stick to the GF diet, and slowly re introduce dairy into diet (still have less then what I was having before) 
7. Lose 15kg and feel a little bit better, but still have pain in leg
8. Continue to go to the GP with no luck
9. Finally remind GP that they said I had suspected PCOS and they refer me to a specialist
10. Rule out that it is PCOS
11. Look into back causing the pain - go to a pain specialist and physio
12. Have a scare at that time of the month - go to NEW GP and get referred to a specialist in Endomentriousis issues (since I have it in my history)
13. Go to the Specialist appointment, have a chat and an exam with scan
14. Specialist finds 2cm Endo Cyst on right ovary
15. Specialist thinks there may be more involved that is not showing on the scan
16. Specialist books in surgery for next Wednesday with 2 days in hospital, 3 week recovery period
17. Spend next few days organising health insurance and care for Toddler while in hospital
18. Look forward to the surgery being over and done with and hope that this will help with SOMETHING and improve pain and quality of life - so I can keep up with Toddler for once!

How To: Enjoy your first day at Kindy

1. Have a little bit of broken sleep - end up making pillow bed for Toddler on the floor next to own bed
2. Wake up and tell Toddler we need to get up and get ready as it's Kindy day today!
3. Give Toddler breakfast and have own breakfast
4. Trusty Grandpa looks after Toddler while I have a shower
5. Finish getting ready and get Toddler dressed
6. Give Toddler their bag and they chant/sing "Kindy! Kindly! Kindly!" all the way to the car and on the drive to Kindy
7. Get to Kindy, get Toddler out of the car
8. Toddler practically drags me to the Kindy door
9. Open Door for Toddler and Toddler runs in singing "Kindy! Kindy! Kindly!" (with his bag still on his back
10. Toddler runs up to a little girl, who is sitting on a chair and says "Kindy! Hi! Kindy!"
11. Take bag off Toddler and look for head teacher
12. Find head teacher and have a chat and tour of Kindy while Toddler zooms round and looks at everything
13. Fill out paperwork and hold back while teachers direct Toddler
14. Toddler and another kid start arguing over a toy, one of the teachers lets them sort it out between them for a little bit then goes to talk to them
15. On the way over, the teacher trips over a toy and falls on her knees
16. Teacher quickly composes herself and sorts out the two toddlers, helps them share the toy
17. Check to see if teacher is ok - she is - help her pick up the toys and continue to fill out paperwork 
18. Look up from forms in time to see Toddler running to the toilets holding a corn on the cob toy
19. Stand up and follow them... look through the window and watch as Toddler starts playing with the toilet (including putting their hand in the toilet bowl (ew!)
20. Teacher comes to stand beside me - ask teacher if I should sort him out or...?
21. Teacher reassures me she's got it
22. She walks in, asks Toddler if they need to go to the toilet 
23. Toddler says "Yes, Toilet" and continues to play with the toilet, cleaning it etc
24. Teacher gets the toilet seat sorted, helps Toddler pull down their pants and pops him onto the toilet
25. Try very hard not to piss self laughing - the look on Toddlers face is classic!
26. Toddler is sitting on the toilet looking confused on how he got there
27. Teacher helps other kid with the toilet, all the while Toddler is sitting there waiting patiently
28. Toddler doesn't go to the toilet, but waits for teacher to help him, then washes his hands and goes back to play (still don't know what he did with the corn cob...)
29. Finish filling in the paperwork and hand to the office lady
30. Have a chat with the head teacher and ask what she thinks I should do as Toddler seems quite content
31. Head teacher advises that I could stay or go out for a coffee and see how Toddler is after
32. Walk up to Toddler to ask how they are going
33. Toddler turns to me and says "Bye Mum! You go, I stay!"
34. Feel just a little bit unwanted and lost
35. Leave... and go next door for a coffee
36. Enjoy coffee and chocolate brownie - mull over unexpected free time... (was expecting to stay the whole time) 
37. Go home and head back to Kindy at 1pm (Toddler was there alone from 11.30-1pm)
38. While at home, do a spot of housework and have lunch
39. When at Kindy, ask head teacher how it went - he took a while to notice I was gone, but then self distracted after he realised I was gone. The only issue they had was with Mat time, as he wanted to play - they didn't stress the issue, so they gave him Monkey (who was in his bag) and let him play quietly.
40. When it's time to go home, Toddler doesn't want to leave! 
41. Decide to leave them alone for a little longer next week and see how it goes...

How To: Play in the sandpit

Yesterday we went to playgroup... Toddler has heaps of fun playing all over the place, but yesterday he was mainly focused on the sandpit...

1. Get to playgroup and release Toddler onto the playground
2. Toddler runs around for a bit then realises that the cover for the sandpit is getting removed
3. Toddler zooms over to the sandpit and starts playing with the sand
4. Teacher opened the shed with the sand pit toys
5. Toddler (along with three other kids) follow her in and help bring out the toys
6. Teacher brings out two ride on diggers, one of which Toddler instantly sits on and starts playing with
7. The other digger, a little girl plays with
8. Toddler plays with his digger for a little while, then wants to try the other digger
9. Intervene, as the little girl is still on there, remind Toddler that it's not his turn and that the little girl is still playing
10. Toddler says to little girl "Your Turn, ok?" points to the other digger and says "Me over there" and goes to play on the digger again, keeping an eye on the little girl
11. As soon as the little girl decides to play on something else, Toddler quickly jumps off his digger and yells "My Turn! My Turn!" and takes over the new one
12. Toddler spends most of the time in the sandpit for the rest of the playgroup
13. Tidy up time is called and one of the teachers collects the sandpit toys in a basket to put back into the shed
14. Toddler, oblivious to this has noticed other children leaving the sandpit area so manages to collect a spade for each hand and starts filling up a truck he's been playing with
15. Toddler decides to get sand from the other end of the sandpit and fills up his spades
16. While Toddler's back is turned, the teacher picks up his truck and puts it into the basket
17. Toddler walks back to where he had left the truck
18. Toddler stands and looks down at the empty sandpit 
19. Toddler looks so confused "Where's Truck? Truck Gone!"
20. Try not to laugh and point out to Toddler that it is home time and that the truck has gone back home
21. Toddler sighs and tips the sand out of his spades back into the sandpit 
22. Point out to Toddler where the basket is - Toddler puts the spades back
23. Tell Toddler to collect shoes (all the other kids are also putting their shoes on
24. Laugh along with the other parents as we watch the kids tip their shoes upside down to empty the sand out that someone had filled

How To: Lose your massage ball

1. Go to the Physio for ongoing issues with my back
2. Physio suggests getting a tennis ball for helping with massaging the hip area to help with pain
3. Go to Kmart and buy one bigger then normal tennis ball and a swiss/excercise ball
4. Leave both balls in the boot of the car for a 2 weeks
5. Open the boot one day to retrieve something else and Toddler spots the tennis ball
6. Toddler gets very excited
7. Give Toddler tennis ball and tell them to take it inside
8. Toddler hogs the ball for the rest of the day and even goes to bed with it
9. When checking on Toddler later that night, nab tennis ball back 
10. Use tennis ball for the massaging purposes I originally bought it for
11. Put it on the kitchen table
12. Next morning, Toddler gets up and asks "My ball! Where's MY ball?"
13. Hand ball back to Toddler and tell them "It's an inside ball Bud, it's not to go outside" (as don't want to get dirt on it or it to get wet)
14. Toddler says "Thank you Mum!" with a beautiful grin and carries the ball around for most of the morning
15. Toddler then decides to put the ball into the soaking bucket in the laundry (which has his soiled undies from the day before)
16. Pick ball up from the bucket and put it into the washing machine for washing later as can not use the ball while it's wet
17. Both Toddler and I have now lost the ball... me to him, and him to the washing machine... for now...

How To: Know your Toddler is ready for a rewards chart

1. Give Toddler dinner
2. They take a few bites, but refuse to eat anymore
3. Try getting them to sit down
4. They play with their toys and then run off
5. When the Toddler runs away call out "If you eat your dinner, I will give you a sticker!"
6. Toddler stops midway down the hall and turns in surprise "Sticker?!"
7. Answer "Yes, but you have to eat all your potatoes"
8. Toddler is very excited and runs back to the table and eats his potatoes and more of his peas
9. Ask Toddler if they are finished
10. Toddler stands up and says "Yay!"
11. Smile and clean up the dinner dishes from Toddlers table
12. Collect sticker sheet and give Toddler a sticker
13. Spend the rest of the night thinking up designs and what to put on Toddler's sticker chart
14. Decide on: Eating their food (includes Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner), Going to the Toilet (with 2 stickers if they go poos in the toilet!) and Picking up their Toys (will add more if these three work)

How To: Have an AWESOME sleep (after a really long day)

Yesterday morning I wrote the following Facebook post:

"It seems criminal that a pint sized dictator can hold you captive all night in a small room with no means to feed or relieve yourself, due to the fact you're not allowed to look at them or leave the room - but you have to let them know that you are there at all times, only to finally be able to make your escape to your own bed for Hubbys alarm to go off at 5 am and the little dictator wakes up on hearing his escape from the compound and demands milk, the light to be switched on and paw patrol. Hang on kid, this escapee has got to have her coffee in an Iv so she can preform what is required and finish reading Lauren Graham's auto biography "Talking as fast as I can" *sigh* it's going to be a long day..."

The night before was a really, really crap night. It was a very hot and humid night after a scorcher of a day and of course Toddler did NOT want to sleep. I tried everything I could think of. This included:

• Pushing his bedtime back further an hour, due to it still being quite hot and still very light outside
• Leaving two windows open to allow cool air flow into the room
• Stripping the bed and only having a sheet onto of him
• Letting him sleep in only a nappy
• Reading copious amounts of books
• Ignoring him
• Giving him a bottle
• Singing to him

In the end he went to sleep at 10pm, woke at midnight and didn't get back to sleep until I made a bed on the floor for him at 4am. He was up again at 6.30am. So the day already didn't start out right. I didn't get my coffee in an IV, but oh, how I needed it! Our computer was on the fritz, and we are also in the middle of potty training, so that mixed with limited amounts of sleep was just the cherry on top of a Long, LONG day. In the end, this was what how my day went:

1. Wake up by Toddler falling out of the bed (after only 2 hours sleep)
2. Toddler refuses to go back to bed
3. Get up for the day - make first coffee and breakfast
4. Decide to give Toddler a fluffy 
5. Toddler ends up pouring the fluffy over their table to make "fluffy finger painting art"
6. Trusty Grandpa gets up and asks for a ride to the Train Station
7. Drop Trusty Grandpa off at the station
8. Decide to do a bit of food shopping and collect scripts from chemist
9. While waiting for scripts, go to the pet store with Toddler
10. Toddler looks at the animals and decides to run round the store
11. Tell Toddler they are NOT a cat (they were trying to climb and play on the cat tower displays)
12. Tell Toddler they are NOT a dog (they were going into the dog kennels for a play)
13. Pick Toddler up, leave pet store, collect script and go food shopping
14. Give Toddler a free apple from the "Free Fruit for Kids" bin (Seriously Count Down, this is AWESOME!)
15. Toddler drops apple on the floor, throw apple away, get a fresh apple - repeat x2 
16. Decide Toddler doesn't need another apple, and finish food shop with a screaming Toddler
17. Leave supermarket and get home
18. Feed Toddler their lunch with a fresh drink bottle
19. Toddler tips their drink bottle upside down onto the table and floor
20. Toddler then says "Wees Mum!"
21. Take Toddler to the toilet
22. Toddler decides they don't want to use the potty or the toilet seat for him, he wants to squat over the toilet without his seat and even though he gets a little into the bowl, he gets the rest all over the floor 
23. Decide to invest in built in toddler seat as it's obvious that this is the reason why Toddler has been having issues using the toilet (it's not the same as what Mummy and Daddy use)
24. Clean mess up and help Toddler wash hands and put on undies
25. Toddler does poo in undies
26. Dispose of poo and get clean undies
27. While doing this, Toddler finishes his poo on top of his Monkey
28. Put Monkey in laundry tub to deal with after cleaning Toddler up
29. Grab wet wipes and find Toddler on the couch 
30. Pick Toddler up and wipe their bum
31. Wash all the skid marks off the couch
32. Clean Monkey and undies, put in washing machine 
33. Turn on machine
34. Toddler wants a milk and Monkey (this usually means he wants a nap)
35. Decide to take Toddler out of the house as if they have a nap, it will be hard to get them to sleep that night
36. Get to Mitre 10 and take them to the playground
37. They have lots of fun playing on their own, I need to tell them to leave a cone alone (they are currently obsessed with them!) then a playgroup full of kids ranging from 2-4 years old walks past
38. Toddler calls out to them "Hey! Hi! Come up here!" with big grins on his face
39. Kids walk past with their teachers
40. Toddler gets confuses "Hey! Come back here! Play! Come back here!" 
41. Smile and think how cute it is and be glad that Toddler is starting Kindy soon as he'll have so much fun playing with the other kids
42. Other kids come back with their teachers and chaos ensues with kids and Toddler running round and playing
43. One little girl grazes her elbow
44. The teacher brings out first aid kit and give her a plaster to help her feel better
45. Toddler goes up to the Teacher and asks for a plaster too and show her his elbow (which also has a graze on it from a few days ago) 
46. Teacher obliges and Toddler happily runs off
47. Thank the teacher and have a good chat and adult time while the other kids play
48. Play group have to go
49. Toddler decides it's time to go too
50. Thank the teachers of the playgroup for the chat and the easy as leaving power (was expecting a hard time to leave with Toddler)
51. Give Toddler a high five
52. Get home and Toddler wants a drink
53. Drink ends up all over the floor again
54. Have another coffee
55. Receive Text from Trusty Grandpa asking to be picked up from the train station
56. Put Toddler in car and drive to the train station
57. Get there 10 minutes too early
58. Decide to tell Toddler we're watching trains while waiting for Grandpa
59. Get out of the car, set up pram and realise that I need to get back in the car to re-park the car (I have parked too far out from the curb)
60. Hop back in car and re-park the car with Toddler screaming and upset because he wants to see the trains and thinks we are driving off and leaving Grandpa behind
61. Turn car off and get Toddler out
62. Walk to train station and meet Trusty Grandpa
63. Tell Trusty Grandpa about the day (he is already aware that it was a rough night)
64. Get home and cook dinner
65. Try putting Toddler to bed at usual bedtime - having trouble
66. Trusty Grandpa offers to take over
67. Go to bed at 7pm and sleep right through till 5am with Toddler falling out of bed - Start a brand new day! (this time feeling really refreshed ... what can go wrong?)

How To: Find random things in your washing machine

I'm currently doing washing today, and just found a wooden train track in there while emptying the clean washing out! So this post will have a list of all the different things I have found in the washing machine while emptying it out... what my Son has put into it before we turned it on and what has gone through the wash

1. A wooden train track
2. A nappy - not a cloth one, a disposable one that he had worn and put in there instead of putting into his nappy bin when asked
3. A toy car
4. One of Toddler's gumboots

How To: Get the Toddler to sleep on a hot muggy night

I could honestly sit here and write a LONG lengthly account of how last night went with the Toddler, but OMG no. Firstly I am not in the mood to write every single piece of struggle that went down, but I am so sure that reliving it will be very traumatic for me... and I'd like to have a good day today!

So, I will put up a few things that went down, how we got him to sleep and a cute little snippet of me reading him a book, enjoy!

1. Put Toddler to bed a little later then usual because he had a nap during the day
2. Only put Toddler in pj pants as it's hot and muggy
3. Read Toddler a story, or two or three
4. Daddy comes in for cuddles and family time, listening to the story too
5. Toddler picks up his shorts and wants to show Daddy how he can put his own shorts on
6. Toddler puts shorts over his pj pants
7. Daddy goes to get up and hurts himself (do not need to talk about this, as this would entail another post and I'm sure Hubby would prefer I don't put it up. Lets just say that because of this, we had to remove Toddler from the room to hang out with Trusty Grandpa while I assisted Hubby and made sure he was ok...)
8. Manage to remove shorts off Toddler - put him back to bed
9. Spend quite a long amount of time getting him settled again as he is very excited from what happened to Daddy and it's still very hot and muggy so heaps of tossing and turning
10. Finally get Toddler settled at 11pmish by making a bed for him on the floor (honestly can't remember the time he finally settled, but I spent an hour or so having some "me" time in the lounge afterwards and didn't get to bed until about 1am...)

How To: Read a train book

1. Read a book called "Red Train"
2. Point to a few things in the book and count the items in the book (each page has a different colour train and counts from 1-10 animals and carriages)
3. Also to count is the number of puffs of steam coming out of of the steam trains funnel
4. Ask Toddler what he thinks it is (expecting him to say "clouds')
5. Toddler looks at the drawings of steam puffs for a bit and comes out with "Hmmm.... Popcorn"
6. Sit there smiling, amused that Toddler thinks that Trains run on popcorn :-P

How To: Shave your legs

The Struggle is real!  I had thought when I was busy with work in my 20's I had found it hard to get my legs shaved - there is no comparison when you have a baby or Toddler! Please enjoy today's list, brought to you by me, freshly sitting with semi shaved legs on this hot muggy day in Auckland...

1. Have a variety of pain and illness issues that limit your ability to shave your legs on a regular basis
2. Have a Toddler (or baby) 
3. While Toddler is watching Team Umizoomi, decide to take the opportunity to shave legs
4. Fill basin up with hot water
5. Collect flannel 
6. Collect shaving cream and razor
7. Start shaving legs
8. Get one leg done (up to the knee, cause lets face it, can't currently bend that way to do a proper job of the upper thigh - and besides, don't wear anything higher then knee-length these days)
9. Toddler comes in to investigate
10. Toddler climbs on side of the bath and decides to put his bath toys into the now hairy water of the basin
11. Try to stop Toddler, but put more effort into not letting them to drink the water then playing with it...
12. Give Toddler the flannel to play with and that keeps them occupied enough to finish the other leg
13. Decide to have a shower with Toddler since they are there
14. Hop in the shower and Toddler wants to be lifted up
15. Pick Toddler up and dance and sing in the shower
16. Hop out of the shower when finished and give Toddler toothbrush to clean teeth
17. Put Towel on Toddler and start drying self
18. Toddler hears Trusty Grandpa out in the lounge and decides they want to go see them
19. Toddler opens door WIDE open while I'm still trying to dry myself
20. Thank goodness that Trusty Grandpa wasn't in sight as that would have been a slightly awkward situation... :-|
21. Finish dressing and walk out the bathroom with freshly shaved legs (this was actually a fairly easy time compared to others I've had to deal with!)