How To: Make a Toddler's Lunch

1. Toddler open's fridge
2. Ask Toddler if they want lunch
3. Toddler nods
4. Ask Toddler what they watch for lunch
5. Toddler points to items in fridge
6. Pull out: Tomato Sauce, Bbq Sauce, Luncheon sausage, Peanut butter, and strawberry jam
7. Toddler still pointing into fridge
8. Ask Toddler to use their words
9. Toddler gets upsets and still pointing in fridge
10. Point to every item in fridge only for Toddler to get even more upset
11. Lift Toddler up to show what they want
12. Toddler points to the light in the fridge 
13. Toddler says "Light Fridge!"
14. Smile and say "Yes! There is a light on in the fridge"
15. Put Toddler down and close fridge door
16. Look at bits and pieces out the fridge and decide to make PB&J Sandwiches and slices of luncheon with the two sauces as dips.
17. Make Sandwich and slice luncheon sausage 
18. Pick up Bbq sauce and squeeze bottle
19. Sauce squirts everywhere except downwards
20. Toddler giggles "MESS!"
21. Laugh with Toddler "Oh dear! Yes, mess!"
22. Clean up spilled sauce 
23. Put Bbq sauce under hot tap to remove congealed sauce on cap (should've done this at last use Doh!)
24. Squeeze Bbq sauce and Tomato sauce onto plate
25. Put Toddler into bib and high chair (as it's a messy meal and still folding washing)
26. Give Toddler a drink of water in sip cup, along with uneaten mandarin pieces, now defrosted peas from earlier and a yoghurt for luck.
27. Toddler eats all on his plate - avoids peas and mandarin but will not allow them to be thrown out

How To: Clean a Toddler's Hand, a Foot and a Mouth

1. Go to Dr's appointment to discuss something very important
2. Take along Hubby to back up importance (and to look after Toddler)
3. Walk into Dr's office and sit down
4. Toddler does a poo
5. Sit and talk with Dr 
6. Toddler starts exploring Dr's office
7. Dr picks Toddler up for a cuddle - gets whiff of poo
8. Dr puts Toddler down
9. Finish appointment and head home
10. Get home
11. Ask Toddler to come to bedroom to change nappy
12. Toddler runs to bedroom and hides between bed and window
13. Call Toddler out
14. Toddler is in an ignoring mood
15. Tell Toddler to come out on the count of three 
16. Count to three
17. Toddler refuses to move
18. Come out and ask Hubby to help get Toddler out of tricky spot
19. Hubby calls out to Toddler "Come out, or you'll get a sore bum from your poo!"
20. Toddler comes running out
21. Take Toddler back to bedroom
22. Put Toddler on change mat
23. Take nappy off Toddler
24. Toddler kicks out
25. Dodge kick
26. Toddler puts Monkey "Down There" 
27. Take Monkey off Toddler (yes, covered in poo)
28. Toddler puts foot down in poo
29. Toddler kicks out again
30. Toddler scores kick into stomach 
31. Poo shaped foot print now on front of off-white coloured t-shirt (NEVER wear white when you have a Toddler)
32. Call Hubby to help
33. Hubby comes and tries to give hug to help calm down
34. Warn Hubby about the poo
35. Hubby steps back as if infected with the plague
36. Laugh and leave Hubby to it with Toddler
37. While rinsing poo off shirt and Monkey hear: "No."
38. Hear "Don't do that!"
39. Hear "NO! NOT THE FOOT!"
40. Hear "No, don't touch it"
41. Hear "NO DON'T EAT IT!"
42. Hear "Oh no, no, no, no, NO! HELP!"
43. Crack up laughing and head back to bedroom to help Hubby (it's either that or crying)
44. Take over situation and send dry retching Hubby away to get some fresh air
45. Finish cleaning Toddler up - pay close attention to Todder's hand, foot and mouth
46. Strip change mat cover and two blankets off the bed (covered in poo hand and foot prints) 
47. Put Monkey, blankets, change mat cover, t-shirt and Toddlers pants into washing machine

How To: Feed the birds

1. Put leftover breakfast crusts, crumbs and last nights popcorn into a bowl
2. Take outside with Toddler
3. Throw bowlful of leftovers onto the lawn
4. Toddler runs up to crumbs
5. Toddler bends down and starts eating crumbs off the lawn
6. Tell Toddler the food is for the birds
7. Toddler stands up and looks for birds
8. Toddler can't find birds
9. Toddler continues to eat food off the lawn
10. Tell Toddler that he is NOT a bird
11. Take Toddler over to playground
12. Hubby make lunch
13. Hubby throws left over bread at us on the playground
14. Toddler picks it up
15. Tell Toddler to break up and throw to the birds
16. Toddler points to the trees "Birds"
17. Agree with Toddler "Yes, birds are in the trees"
18. Throw bread onto the lawn with Toddler's help
19. Sit and wait for birds to come get the food
20. Toddler jumps down off the playground 
21. Toddler gets onto tricycle
22. Toddler rides around picking the broken bread off the lawn and eating it as he goes around for a ride
23. Remind Toddler that he is NOT a bird
24. Toddler picks up piece of bread and says "Bird bread"
25. Agree with Toddler "Yes, that bread is for the birds"
26. Toddler grins and put bread in his mouth

How To: Feed a Toddler a musley bar

1. Toddler asks for a musley bar
2. Go into pantry for musley bar
3. Open jar 
4. Hold jar down to Toddler for them to choose
5. Toddler chooses a "Milkie"
6. Put lid on jar and return to pantry
7. Look outside - it's sunny
8. Decide to put a load of washing on
9. Go into bedrooms and collect washing
10. Slightly wake Hubby up
11. Reassure Hubby you're just doing washing and they can go back to sleep (it's their turn for a long sleep in)
12. Fill up washing machine
13. Turn washing machine on
14. Turn around and find Toddler munching on Milkie 
15. Realise that even though you gave the bar to Toddler, you forgot to take the wrapper off...
16. Take bar off Toddler and open wrapping to find it all mushy crumbs
17. Put in bin and give Toddler new Milkie (wrapper removed this time)

How To: Have a lovely evening with good friends

1. Invite friends to games night for your birthday party
2. Have most decline for many good reasons (expected most of them)
3. Discover you can't get to the board game cupboard as it's blocked by heaps of boxes
4. Decide to play card games instead
5. Order Pizza's - repeat to pizza shop several times that it's THREE GLUTEN FREE PIZZA'S and ONE Garlic Bread  with NO CAPSICUM (Pizza's were Hawaiian, Butter Chicken and Thai)
6. Collect Pizza's - Tell random window washer that NO, you don't need your car washed
7. Get home - put chicken nuggets and chips in oven
8. One couple of friends turn up with own Toddler (will call this Toddler "Toddler B")
9. Toddler M (our Toddler) gives Toddler B a hug 
10. All adults give a collective "Awwww"
11. Serve drinks, pizza and chicken nuggets and chips to Toddler M and Toddler B
12. Find out that there was capsicum on one of the pizza's, but at least they got everything else right
13. Have a good catch up chat with friends while watching Toddlers
14. Toddler M decides to feed Todddler B
15. Finish up dinner and clear plates with Toddlers help
16. Put GF Apple Pie in the oven - turn timer on
17. Decide to play Battle of the Sexes card game
18. Pull out blocks for Toddlers to play with
19. Start playing the card game - girl's doing well against the boys
20. Toddler M teaches Toddler B a new game - banging blocks on he coffee table
21. Stopp Toddlers from banging blocks on table
22. Toddler M starts to take pants off 
23. Help Toddler M to put pants back on and check nappy in process
24. Both Toddlers need changing - put Toddlers in PJ's
25. Timer for apple pie goes off
26. Put down colourful quilt for Toddlers to sit on
27. Serve everyone apple pie with vanilla ice cream
28. Toddler M finishes ice cream first - notices that Toddler B is taking longer
29. Toddler M steals part of Toddler B's ice cream
30. Tell Toddler M that you don't take Toddler B's ice cream
31. Give Toddler B their ice cream back
32. Finish up with dessert  and clean up
33. Tell Toddler M to put their pants on
34. Put Kungfu Panda on to the delight of Toddler B
35. Sit Toddler M and Toddler B in baby doughnut with Thomas quilt
36. Give each Toddler a Monkey to hold onto (Toddler M insisted)
37. Continue to play battle of the sexes
38. Toddlers tire of movie and decide to play on ride on toys
39. Toddlers ride toys down to Toddler M's bedroom
40. Hear Toddlers laughing followed by some banging
41. Toddler B starts crying (Toddler M still laughing, with banging going on)
42. Check on Toddlers 
43. Find Toddler B holding head and Toddler M with walking toy banging it on blocks box laughing
44. Confort Toddler B and Tell Toddler M we don't bang walking toys around and to be careful with Toddler B
45. Toddler M gives Toddler B an "I'm Sorry" hug
46. Ask Toddler M where his pants are - put pants back on Toddler M
47. Settle Toddlers back in lounge with us and finish playing battle of the sexes
48. Girls win battle of the sexes - 58 points to 51
49. Friends go home with Toddler B
50. Toddler M goes straight to bed - no fuss
51. Look round lounge at mess Toddlers made with toys
52. Decide to tidy up in the morning and go to bed
53. Before going to sleep, think about how much fun was had and think it should be done more often

How To: Put a Duck in a Cup with a Hippo on top

1. Get woken up by Toddler at 3am
2. Bring Toddler in bed for cuddles
3. Go back to sleep
4. Get woken at 6am being kicked in stomach by Toddler
5. Tell Toddler through tears of pain that you don't kick - it hurts
6. Toddler giggles and tries to kick again
7. Grab Toddlers foot and give it a kiss (it's the only way you think you can diffuse the situation as the tired brain before the morning coffee can't think of anything else)
8. Toddler giggles
9. Toddler stands up and tries to swing from hanging lamp above bed
10. Unhook Toddler's hands from lamp and tell them we don't swing from the lamp - they are NOT Tarzan.
11. Toddler giggles
12. Lie back down and count to 10
13. Get kicked in stomach again
14. Toddler giggles
15. Roll over and ignore Toddler - still counting to 10...
16. Toddler giggles and counts in cutest angelic voice "1...2...3....1....2...3...."
17. Roll back over and look at Toddler
18. Toddler gives best smile
19. Laugh and give Toddler a hug
20. Toddler says "UP"
21. Toddler gets down off bed and hands you dressing gown
22. Get up and make breakfast
23. Sit Toddler in high chair facing the windows for them to watch the morning traffic go down the road
24. Have breakfast and morning coffee
25. Get Toddler dressed for the day
26. Have quick shower and get dressed
27. Walk out the door and get Toddler in car
28. Give Toddler their duck in a cup with a hippo on top for good measure
29. Open Gates
30. Walk back to car and realise your favourite flats are falling apart
31. Pop back inside and quickly grab spare slip on shoes - throw favourite flats into the bin *sniff*
32. Get back to car - Toddler still looking at hippo
33. Go into town
34. Drop library books off
35. Tell Toddler we're going for a walk
36. Go for a walk to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"
37. Attend speech therapist Q&A workshop
38. Toddler happy to play with toys in room and other children
39. Toddler brings over alphabet puzzle
40. Toddler points to letters
41. Tell Toddler what letters are and do the phonetics of them  (S is for Snake... SSSSS-Snake)
42. Have other two Toddlers come over and start pointing to letters
43. Make the sounds out for each letter to joy of Toddler and other Toddlers
44. Feel relaxed enjoy playing ABC's with children
45. Ask speech therapist questions about Toddler's speech - they confirm things that may need to be tested and that we're doing the best thing with other concerns (which are no longer concerns now!)
46. Feel satisfied that you're doing the best that you can for Toddler and they are coming along very well
47. Finish up workshop and tell Toddler that we're going to get into the pram and go for another walk
48. Toddler gets into pram happily (no fuss!) and says "Let's go!"
49. Leave Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and go to cafe for lunch
50. Toddler excited to have mini coffee cup like Mummy's
51. Finish lunch and go into Artisan Beads
52. Buy more embellishments for scrapbooking tonight
53. Discuss possible products to make with beads and embellishments
54. Buy something pretty for Toddler (A heart to make into something special for them later)
55. Leave get to car park
56. Give Toddler musley bar and sit to watch construction across the road from carpark
57. Toddler lets off squeal 
58. Look at Toddler
59. Toddler pointing at entrance to carpark and the cars
60. "Mum! Look! Car! In there!"
61. Look for a bit and realise what is making him very excited are the cars coming into the carpark entrance and "Magically" changing into a different colour or type of vehicle when they leave (we are on the second floor and the entrance is just below where we are standing - none of the cars are coming up the ramp) 
62. Smile and tell Toddler "WOW! Magic!"
63. Toddler then repeats "WOW! Look it, Magic!" for the next half hour until no more cars are coming in or out
64. Convince Toddler that the Magic is over for now and we need to get home
65. Put Toddler in car seat
66. Give Toddler a Duck in a Cup with a Hippo on top
67. Drive home with Toddler singing "WOW! Hippo, Car Magic, Duck Cup"

How To: Spend your Birthday in 101 ways!

1. Get woken up with a "Happy Birthday"and a kiss from Hubby at 5am
2. Hear Toddler wake up
3. Have Toddler come in for morning cuddles
4. Go back to sleep until 7.30am when the first lot of birthday text's come in
5. Have Toddler say "OOOOH! Phone!" each time you receive a text
6. Get up for the day and start making breakfast
7. Toddler helps feed the cat (wants to give the cat all the sachets of food in cat bowl)
8. Take cat food off Toddler
9. Open one sachet into cat bowl and give to Toddler to feed cat
10. Toddler puts cat food down - cat didn't follow
11. Toddler "walks" the cat to the cat food (by holding it's tail and cat walking in front)
12. Remind Toddler to be gentle with cat
13. Ask Toddler what they want for breakfast
14. Toddler opens pantry and points to KBAR Chocolate
15. Smile and tell Toddler they can't have chocolate for breakfast
16. Toddler doesn't like that...
17. Have an open/close pantry door competition with Toddler
18. Make Toast for Toddler - compromise by putting nutella on one piece (one way to confuse Toddler on the whole "we don't have chocolate for breakfast" issue)
19. Eat breakfast and check emails and FB
20. Toddler pushes over heater (heater off)
21. Tell Toddler you don't push over heaters as it is dangerous
22. Toddler wants to get Thomas book from a higher shelf he can reach
23. Toddler goes on tippy toes to collect book
24. Toddler falls into toy box
25. Help Toddler out of toy box
26. Toddler flips over toy box to use to get Thomas book
27. Toddler climbs on toy box and pulls books out below Thomas book (dumping them on the floor)
28. Toddler gets Thomas book and starts reading
29. Pick up books and toys off floor and put away
30. Get ready to go out
31. Leave Toddler with Trusty Grandpa
32. Head to cafe - find out they have a hidden upstairs you didn't know about
33. Order a Spicy Pumpkin Loaf (GF) and a Vanilla Late
34. Go upstair to inspect this hidden gem...
35. Happily find a 1950's style sitting room/dining room set out in the upstairs part
36. Pick a chair, pull out diary and sit down for an afternoon of catch up
37. Finish writing and enjoy the rest of the coffee
38. Leave cafe and visit bead shop
39. Browse the beads for scrapbooking embellishments
40. Find a Hat for Toddler - buy awesome cool hat
41. Go op-shop exploring - buy another toy for Toddler
42. Get home make coffee for self and Trusty Grandpa - Milo for Toddler
43. Make dinner for Toddler and Trusty Grandpa (Toasted Sammies)
44. Go out to Dinner with Hubby at The Good Home (AWESOME Food!)
45. Collect ice cream for dessert on the way home
46. Get home to find Toddler still up
47. Toddler spots ice cream
48. Give Toddler a little bit of ice cream before bed (BIG mistake)
49. Take Toddler to bed - Read three stories, sing alphabet and There was an old lady... Toddler asleep
50. Decide to spend rest of the night sorting out ribbon drawer
51. Hubby and Trusty Grandpa goes to bed
52. Continue sorting out ribbons
53. Hear Toddler SCREAM
54. Run into room and find Toddler half out of bed - head first
55. Pick Toddler up and give a cuddle to calm down
56. Toddler is sick - over himself, over you and over monkey (thankfully bed is fine)
57. Carry Toddler to bathroom
58. Strip  Toddler down and cover in towel to keep warm while getting warm wet cloth to finish cleaning
59. Wet cloth - Toddler is sick on floor
60. Toddler cries "Mess! It's a mess" 
61. Cover with towel - pull Toddler in for a cuddle
62. Tell Toddler we'll clean up the mess later
63. Tell Toddler they are going to be ok
64. Tell Toddler that it's shower time
65. Toddler says No.
66. Tell Toddler we need to get clean to feel better
67. Toddler says NO.
68. Tell Toddler "Monkey is sick and doesn't feel well, how about we give Monkey a shower to make him feel better?"
69. Toddler nods and gets into the shower
70. Have shower without Monkey (Toddler threw him out)
71. Turn off shower - Toddler doesn't want to get out
72. Step out of Shower 
73. Wrap Toddler and Self in Towels
74. Take Toddler to warm lounge to change into clothes
75. Toddler wants Monkey
76. Monkey is still "sick"
77. Put Monkey in washing machine with towels
78. Give Toddler water, gripe water and pamol to help them feel better
79. Take Toddler into Hubby to cuddle
80. Get Dressed, clean up remainder of mess and search for spare Monkey
81. Find spare Monkey on washing line - DRENCHED 
82. Mentally hit head against wall - this is the reason we have spare Monkey for times like these
83. Bring spare Monkey in and put in hot water cupboard
84. Collect Toddler off Hubby and put Toddler to bed
85. Toddler wants Monkey
86. Go through ALL of Toddler's toys on the off chance he might choose one instead
87. Fail
88. Go though blankets to see if Toddler will choose one instead of Monkey
89. Partially fail - Toddler now want's "Mummy Cuddles Blanket" AND Monkey
90. Take Toddler into lounge for Mummy Cuddles and Fireman Sam
91. Toddler getting better, starts playing with Ribbons - Time for bed again
92. Check spare Monkey - still very wet
93. Washing machine finishes
94. Pull out Monkey - slightly more dry then spare Monkey
95. Go to bathroom and turn on heater
96. Stand under heater with Monkey until dry
97. Turn heater off and put Toddler to bed
98. Play the game "Put Toddler to bed 20 times"
99. Finally return to lounge, pack up ribbons
100. Look at time - 2.30am!!!
101. Go to bed.

How To: Clean a Monkey

1. Toddler is holding "Monkey"
2. Toddler opens fireplace door (there is no current fire)
3. Tell Toddler to close the door and "Don't Touch!"
4. Toddler puts Monkey into the fireplace and closes door
5. Tell Toddler not to put Monkey in the fire
6. Take Monkey out of fireplace
7. Close fireplace door tightly
8. Take Monkey outside to shake ash off it
9. Put Monkey in washing machine
10. Forget about Monkey until bedtime

How To: Clean a Baby Doughnut

1. Have a head cold 
2. Have a Toddler with a head cold
3. Wake up and take toddler to lounge (so Hubby can have a sleep in)
4. Put on Fireman Sam while eating breakfast
5. Put Baby Doughnut in chair to make a comfy seat for toddler
6. Cover with water proof underlay and towel to help keep it clean and dry
7. Give Toddler Breakfast
8. Sit down with own breakfast and coffee
9. Toddler wants ice block
10. Tell Toddler to finish breakfast first, then they can have an ice block
11. Toddler has half his breakfast and gets ice block from freezer (gave Toddler extra because of this, so happy that they actually ate something)
12. Open lemonade ice block for Toddler (hey, its one way of ensuring he's getting enough fluids in him!)
13. Get Thomas cup for Toddler to keep ice block in for leaks etc
14. Toddler finishes ice block, goes to get another one
15. Finish own breakfast and make another coffee
16. Come back to find Toddler standing over baby doughnut (that is now on the floor flipped over) pouring the melted ice block over the underside of the baby doughnut
17. Tell Toddler you don't pour drinks out - you drink it or put it on the bench
18. Pick up baby doughnut and decide that there is no choice but to pull the stuffing out and put it in the washing machine
19. Unzip baby doughnut (silently thank Wonderful Granny for making it with zips in for this purpose)
20. Hear Toddler playing with something that beeps as he pushes it
21. Check on Toddler to make sure it is a toy (it was his toy calculator)
22. Go back to baby doughnut
23. Grab plastic bags and put stuffing in - throw out the sticky soaked stuffing
24. Get Toddler out of the pantry
25. Take toasty pie maker off Toddler and put away
26. Tell Toddler to play with toys
27. Finish emptying baby doughnut and put cover in washing machine (be thankful that it is a sunny day) 
28. Go back into lounge and find Toddler sitting on over turned toy box playing with his keys and toys scattered everywhere around him
29. Smell funky smell - change Toddler and dress them for the day
30. Sit down and have coffee - decide to tidy toys up later

How To: Have Daddy Change a Toddler's Nappy

1. Offer Hubby a coffee
2. Start making coffee for self and Hubby
3. Toddler does a poo
4. Ask Hubby to change it
5. Continue making coffee's while Hubby takes Toddler to get changed
6. Hear "No! I'm not reading you a story right now, I'm changing your nappy"
7. Hear "Book!"
8. Hear "Put the book down"
9. Hear "Ok, hold onto that book while I change the nappy"
10. Hear "Come here, I need to change your nappy so you smell like roses again"
11. Hear *nappy open* "Woah! It already smells like roses..."
12. Hear "DADDY!"
13. Hear "MAXI!"
14. Hear "I'm Stuck"
15. Hear "NO! Leave it!"
16. Hear "Stuck"
17. Call out and offer for help
18. Get told "No, I'm fine... "
19. Shrug shoulders and continue making coffee
20. Hear "Tummy!"
21. Hear "Yes, that's your Tummy"
22. Hear "BOOK"
23. Hear "Ok, lets read the book now"
24. Hear "NO! MUM!"
25. Toddler and Hubby come out
26. Hubby goes to Train room
27. Toddler comes up to you with book about trains 
28. Read toddler book while Hubby has a breather

How To: Change a sick Toddlers bed

1. Have a Toddler with a head cold (poor little guy)
2. Put him to bed - give them Pamol, vicks and Kiwi Herb Destuff
3. Toddler wakes up five hours later
4. Check on Toddler
5. Toddler has been a little sick and is upset (understandably) 
6. Pick Toddler up and give Mummy Cuddles
7. Change pillow slip - Pillow fine, just a little spillage
8. Try to put Toddler down
9. Toddler wants a bottle
10. Try to give Toddler warmed water 
11. Toddler is not having a bar of it
12. Try to convince Toddler to have the warmed water as if he has milk, he might be sick again
13. Toddler wants milk
14. Sit down and give Toddler more cuddles and try to get them to have the warmed water
15. "NOOOOOO! Milk"
16. Toddler gets a bottle of extra warmed milk (hope that it won't bother him too much)
17. Give Toddler more medicine (as directed on bottle - he's due a dose)
18. Put Toddler back to bed
19. Sing "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly"
20. Go back to lounge
21. Toddler wakes up half hour later
22. Toddler has been sick
23. Pick Toddler up and give cuddle until they are much calmer
24. Strip sick coated PJ's off 
25. Clean Toddlers face and neck with warm cloth
26. Pull out warm blanket and wrap Toddler in it
27. Toddler looks at the blanket "What??? Where??!" is said in wonder (Take it that he likes this particular blanket and is wondering where it has come from)
28. Ask Toddler to sit next to "Big Ben" (a giant white teddy bear that used to be Mummy's) 
29. Toddler sits next to bear "Hi Ben - Sick" (points to self) "Yuck" (points to bed)
30. Agree with Toddler and tell Toddler to stay with Ben while you sort the bed out
31. Check bed - only pillow's and bottom sheet have sick on them
32. Strip pillow slips and bottom sheet off - put in laundry
33. Underlay dry - opt to use top sheet on bottom and just blankets on top until the morning
34. Make bed
35. Collect new pillow from wardrobe
36. Toddler excited that he has a pillow like Mummy's 
37. Tell Toddler "Goodnight moon" (accompanied by the "Ispy Quilt" Granny made him)
38. Say goodnight and give a kiss
39. Toddler sleeps until 7am! 

How To: Get a sticky kitchen floor

1. Have a head cold
2. Decide to go food shopping for essentials
3. While at the food shop decide to buy a ready cooked chicken and salads for dinner (as it would be easier to put together and you don't have to really "cook" as such)
4. Go past the drinks aisle and see Chi (The Drink that is so smart, it knows its own name)
5. Decide to get it as it's the go-to drink for when your sick (besides, it used to be the drink Nana gave you as a little girl when you were sick)
6. Grab a few more essentials
7. Go to the aisle that has super glue (Hubby wants some)
8. Find several different shapes and sizes of "super glue" (decide to let hubby come back to get it as you don't want to get the wrong one - must be like the equivalent of sending him out to buy "sanity" pads)
9. Finish shopping and go to the check out
10. Find that you are over budget 
11. Decide to just go with it as you don't have the energy to think about what to put back
12. Get home and put shopping away
13. Decide to have some Chi - Toddler wants some too
14. Open bottle while asking Toddler to get their cup (not paying attention to what you are doing)
15. Chi fizzes out of the top of the bottle and over hands
16. Take a while to realise what is happening
17. Click to the fact that Chi is spraying out of the bottle
18. Instead of just closing the top again try to take it over to the kitchen sink
19. Slip on the already spilled Chi
20. Drop the Chi bottle
21. Have the Chi bottle spin round and round with you slipping and sliding to try to catch it
22. All this time Toddler is laughing and giggling
23. Finally pick the bottle up and dump it in the kitchen sink (BIG mistake)
24. Grab the bottle and close the top (WHY didn't I just do this in the first place?!)
25. Stand there for a moment to catch your breath
26. Toddler says "Ooooh! Mess!"
27. Sigh and say "Yes, Mess. That was pretty fun wasn't it bud?" 
28. Look at paper towels
29. Decide not to use them as it would waste the entire roll (one bottle of drink = one or more rolls of paper towels)
30. Grab a few tea towels and start mopping up with Toddlers help
31. Remember that you need something wet to clean it up
32. Wet a tea towel and do a quick go over of the kitchen floor, cupboards and bench tops 
33. Pour self and Toddler a drink each out of the little remaining Chi
34. Sit down with Toddler for a cuddle and decide to mop the kitchen floor when they are down in bed for the night.

How To: Collect library books when you have a head cold

1. Wake up with a nasty head cold (progressively got worse over night)
2. Toddler comes in and says "Up Mum, Breakfast?"
3. Slowly get up with every muscle aching in your body, a stuffed nose, puffy eyes and a head that feels like a bowling ball balancing on a pin
4. Make breakfast for Toddler (nuture grain with sliced banana x 2 helpings = Yay!) 
5. Put Fireman Sam on for Toddler
6. Give Toddler breakfast and make coffee and own breakfast (GF Bagel with homemade honey)
7. Take pain killers, sit down and eat breakfast
8. Have shower while trusty Grandpa looks after Toddler
9. Get dressed and wash windows
10. Put a load of washing on
11. Take Toddler outside to play while you sit in the warm sun and watch
12. Stop Toddler from opening the front gate
13. Take Toddler back inside for lunch (custard and apricots)
14. Toddler finishes lunch
15. Toddler gives you a grin "Mess!" 
16. Toddlers hair has custard in it
17. Take Toddler to bath
18. Find that Toddler has clean nappy
19. Get potty for Toddler to go in pre-bath
20. Toddler goes in potty
21. Praise Toddler
22. Put Toddler in bath
23. Toddler goes in bath 
24. Ask Trusty Grandpa to keep eye on Toddle while you clean out the potty
25. Clean out potty, thank Grandpa and finish bathing Toddler
26. Dress Toddler (Toddler wants to be Fireman Toddler today)
27. Check emails - 2 library books are in out of the 20 you ordered (the others you're the 30th on the waiting list)
28. Decide to go out to library
29. Pack Toddler in car
30. Get to library - realise pain pills are starting to wear off
31. Favourite song comes onto the radio - decide to sing and dance along to it
32. Turn to Toddler with a smile to goof around with them
33. Have Toddler shout "NO!" and put his head in his hands (First time I've embarrassed Toddler - looking forward to the teenage years :-P)
34. Get Toddler out of car and into pram
35. Kneel down to Toddler
36. Tell Toddler that we're only going in for a short time and that when I tell him we're going, he's to be a good boy and come nicely...
37. Go into Library, let Toddler loose in childrens area
38. Read a few books to Toddler - almost lose voice in the process
39. Tell Toddler that we need to go
40. Toddler ignores you and wants to sit and rock on the "dodo duck"
41. Tell Toddler that on the count of three we are going to get off and get back into the pram nicely
42. Toddler squeals 
43. Quietly remind Toddler we are in the library and you use a quiet inside voice
44. Count to 3
45. Toddler gets off dodo duck and walks towards pram
46. Smile and go to help them get in
47. Toddler changes direction and decides to ride the other dodo duck (silently scream in head)
48. Count to 3 again and manage to get Toddler to sit in pram
49. Do pram belt up and thank Toddler for being a good boy and getting into pram
50. Go over to reserved shelf to collect books requested
51. Get to shelf, find not only the TWO books you were expecting but the other EIGHTEEN
52. Sit there taking the books out of the shelf, stack them on the floor and wonder how on earth you are going to get them back to the car (pram is lightweight one without shopping basket attached like some prams have)
53. Librarian lady comes over, starts putting away books on shelf and says "Wow, you've got a lot of books there"
54. Smile at librarian and say "Yeah, I was only expecting two! May I please have a hand taking them up to the desk?" (expecting to get them issued and make a few trips back and forth to the car)
55. Rude Librarian ignores me and walks away to other shelves to stack books (how rude)
56. Shrug shoulders and put books into two piles - ten into a reusable bag found in small pocket of pram and the others to carry
57. Sling heavy bag over shoulder and hold books in left arm to balance - push the pram with right hand
58. Zig zag and stumble to the issuing desk
59. Get to the desk puffed and out of breath
60. A different librarian is there to help
61. She issues books and lets you know there is a new Fireman Sam DVD in, would I like to take it out?
62. After all that and feeling like crap decide to take the blasted DVD out as once home will only have enough energy to blob
63. Take DVD out - look at books and sigh
64. Helpful Liberian offers to help take books to the car
65. Give Helpful Liberian a smile and thank her for helping out 
66. While walking to the car, helpful librarian says "It's a shame you don't have one of those prams with a basket underneath to help when you're out and about"
67. Laugh and say "I used to have one of those, but I slipped a disc in my back while taking it out of the car - that's why I was worried about carrying these books!"
68. Have helpful librarian look at you in horror and try to take the bag of books off you (you're at the car now) 
69. Tell Librarian it's ok, and thank them again for all their help
70. Put books into the car
71. Give Fireman Sam DVD to Toddler to hold on way home
72. Get home and set Toddler up with Fireman Sam and afternoon tea
73. Make coffee, take more painkillers and blob out
74. Check computer and find that there was an AOS call out near the library and near home today...
75. Find out that you missed the one near home when you left to go to the library and the other one when you left library to come home
76. Think about how close you were on both occasions
77. Decide that you missed it, so no harm done (both offenders were apprehended) 
78. Blob out on the couch until hubby comes home and cook dinner (chilli con carne - his favourite) 
79. Sit down and eat dinner with the crappiest tasting GF nacho chips, while mulling over the fact that if you didn't have a head cold, you'd be more freaked about about the too close to home AOS call outs - decide not to over analyse it all as it would only stress you out.

How To: Introduce a Toddler to the circle of life

1. Sit down and watch T.V.
2. A story about a Hawk comes on 
3. Hubby turns to Toddler and says "Look, a Hawk! We saw one of those yesterday didn't we?"
4. Ask Hubby about how far away the hawk was from Toddler
5. Hubby said "quite close" 
6. Ask Hubby to explain some more
7. Hubby tells story...
8. Went to Airport to watch planes yesterday
9. Toddler was sitting in fold out chair
10. They were both watching planes
11. Toddler saw a Rabbit
12. Toddler watched rabbit for a while
13. Toddler screams
14. Hawk had swooped down and picked up rabbit
15. Toddler sits there and watches hawk eat rabbit
16. Toddler says "Mess! It's a Mess!"
17. Toddler not too fazed after that
18. Continue to watch hawk and planes until they go home
19. Toddler is somewhat introduced to circle of life

How To: Give a Toddler a Bubble Bath

1. Put 5 squirts of bubble bath solution into the bath
2. Turn the water on
3. Undress Toddler
4. Put Toddler into bath
5. Let Toddler play with the bubbles for a while
6. Wash Toddlers hair
7. Put on a "Bubble Beard" 
8. Toddler Giggles
9. Wipe Bubble beard off 
10. Pull Plug
11. Get Toddler out of bath
12. Put Towel on Toddler
13. Let Toddler run into the lounge to Grandpa
14. Collect Pj's and Nappy
15. Put nappy on Toddler - let them stay in towel for a bit longer
16. Make custard and pears for dessert
17. Give to Toddler
18. Toddler eats it cleanly, only getting a little bit on them
19. Go get a wet cloth to clean face
20. Come back to Toddler taken hood of towel off and splashing hands in custard bowl
21. Take bowl off Toddler, leave wet cloth with them
22. Come back to find cloth were you left it and custard hands in Toddlers no-longer-clean-hair
23. Clean Toddler up
24. Put Toddler into shower
25. Dry Toddler
26. Put Toddler to bed (3 books and "Goodnight Moon" recited) 
27. Close door
28. Got to kitchen
29. Take cough mixture for sore throat
30. Sit down and relax for the rest of the night.

How to: Have a relaxing weekend

Saturday:

1. Get woken up by Toddler at 6am
2. Have Breakfast
3. Put on Fireman Sam
4. Daddy gets up
5. Daddy takes Toddler to  airport
6. Decide to use this time to do some cleaning and organising
7. Have a break and make  a coffee
8. Come down with a blinding headache
9. Take painkillers and go to bed to sleep off the headache
10. Noise seems to escalate from the builders next door 
11. Grandpa comes home from outing
12. Grandpa leaves again
13. Hubby comes home and checks on you
14. Realise it's quiet
15. Ask where Toddler is
16. Hubby gasps - "Thought I'd forgotten something"
17. Interrogate hubby
18. Hubby switched toddler with Grandpa at the gate
19. Grandpa has gone to Ardmore Airport with Toddler
20. Toddler and Grandpa come back
21. Change Toddlers bum
22. Toddler outside with Grandpa riding bike
23. You inside cleaning
24. Still got headache
25. Cook dinner - spag bol
26. Toddler falls asleep
27. Take toddler to bed
28. Change nappy
29. Toddler rolls over
30. Put new nappy on - ask toddler if they want dinner (toddler slightly awake)
31. Toddler wants bed
32. Tuck Toddler in
33. Have dinner
34. Watch batman vs superman - LOOONG movie
35. Have dessert - Jelly Tip Ice Cream (YUM!)
36. Finish watching batman movie
37. Go to bed at 11pm

Sunday:

1. Get woken up at 2am by toddler
2. Give toddler bottle
3. Toddler goes back to bed
4. Get woken at 4am
5. Give toddler bottle
6. Toddler back to bed
7. Get woken at 6am
8. Toddler comes into bed for cuddles
9. Toddler wriggling
10. Daddy takes Toddler into lounge (negotiate he sleeps in both mornings next weekend)
11. Go back to sleep until 9.45am when Toddler needs a bum change 
12. Change Toddlers bum
13. Sore throat - Take pain killers
14. Make breakfast for self and 3 coffees and a magic milo
15. Have Toddler hold onto your dressing gown and follow you around
16. Sit down have breakfast
17. Toddler jumping on couch
18. Remind Toddler that coffee is HOT
19. Daddy ready to go out
20. Put on Fireman Sam while finishing breakfast
21. Grandpa and Daddy offer to take Toddler (Toddler happy to go out)
22. Finish breakfast
23. Have shower - get dressed
24. Put 3 loads of washing on
25. Sit down for lunch - burn hand while making soup
26. Burn not so bad under cold water
27. Have lunch
28. Daddy, Grandpa and Toddler home
29. Feed Toddler last nights dinner for lunch
30. Hang out washing
31. Toddler comes out to help
32. Toddler checks dry washing and nods
33. Toddler on motorbike tricycle
34. Toddler silent
35. Toddler looking at ladder (now on ground, thinking about how to lift it no doubt...)
36. Toddler goes on playground
37. Hose down playground
38. Toddler wants to go on bike again
39. Hang up more washing
40. Toddler gets hose and puts down drain
41. Grandpa comes out and turns it on for him then off again when Toddler tries to wet him
42. Toddler on bike
43. Toddler puts hose in cat door (hose off)
44. Tell Toddler to put the hose away
45. Finish hanging out washing, bring in dry and collect Toddler
46. Make coffee
47. Toddler in pantry - custard powder ends up on floor
48. Clean up
49. Give Toddler afternoon tea
50. Go Food shopping
51. Get to food shop to find parking lot full
52. Manage to find a parking spot
53. Get into the food shop and give Toddler shopping list
54. Turn the corner and find a trolley jam
55. Toddler says "Go! Go!"
56. Explain to Toddler  that we're got to wait
57. Have all the trolleys move out the way
58. Smile and say "Thank you" 
59. Toddler says "WOW! Thank you!" 
60. Get to baby aisle and look for bubble bath
61. Can't find bubble bath in usual brand, so buy an alternative 
62. Toddler puts hands on hips and waves their finger
63. Give Toddler bubble bath bottle to hold 
64. Toddler happy
65. Buy food - find that you are under budget (yay!)
66. Get home, put shopping away 
67. Find that you missed a few things out
68. Plan to finish the shopping list tomorrow. 

How To: Take the Toddler to the toilet

1. Go to Friend of the Farmer
2. Order iced tea and an apple juice for Toddler
3. Go sit in the outside area for Toddler to run around
4. Toddler obsessed with tiny little house
5. After a while of play, drinks arrive
6. Ask Toddler if they want a drink
7. Toddler sits at table and is excited with juice being in a takeaway coffee cup
8. Toddler drains juice (Iced tea was nice too)  
9. Toddler continues to play in tiny little house
10. Toddler goes to hide behind little house
11. Go to collect Toddler
12. Toddler comes back with smile on their face
13. As Toddler walks past you catch a whiff of something funky
14. Check Toddlers nappy
15. Discover source of funky smell
16. Go to get nappy wallet - discover no wet wipes
17. Tell Toddler we're going home
18. Toddler goes up to house and kisses window "Bye Bye House"
19. Get into car and go home
20. Once at home change nappy
21. Play a few games
22. Ask Toddler if they need to go toilet
23. Toddler says "No, Monkey"
24. Take it that Monkey needs to go
25. Pick up Monkey and do funny monkey voice "I need to go toilet, Max can you help me go toilet?" 
26. Go with Toddler and Monkey to the toilet
27. Put Monkey on potty and Toddler on toilet
28. Toddler wants to sit on potty
29. Toddler tries sitting on Money who is on potty
30. Remove Monkey and put aside
31. Toddler crouches over potty and does a shart 
32. Toddler giggles
33. Toddler wants you to sit on toilet while he's on potty
34. You oblige 
35. Toddler does his business (will not go into detail about what was done on the toilet)
36. Pick up potty and tip into toilet
37. Clean potty
38. Toddler picks up Monkey
39. Shows Monkey the toilet "In there"
40. Ensure Monkey doesn't end up in Toilet
41. Toddler puts head into Toilet "BYE POO!"
42. Crack up laughing "Yes, bye poo!"
43. Toddler closes toilet lid and climbs up onto it
44. Toddler flushes toilet
45. Help Toddler down
46. Toddler fetches stool
47. Wash hands (finally cupcake soap now resembles a pink and white blob, so Toddler doesn't try eating it anymore)
48. Say "Bye bye toilet"
49. Close toilet door.

How To: Clean a couch cushion

1. Get woken up in the morning by the builders next door playing "We will rock you" By Queen
2. Toddler comes in for cuddles
3. Have quick cuddles before alarm goes off
4. Get up for the day
5. Make breakfast
6. Dress Toddler
7. Have shower and get dressed
8. Go outside - Toddler helps open gates
9. Get into car and go to wriggle and rhyme at the library
10. Heavier traffic then usual
11. Get to library too late for the 10am session of Wriggle and Rhyme
12. Go for a walk
13. Go to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
14. Find out Montessori workshop for parenting on
15. Check it out
16. First one there
17. Toddler excited about new toys to play with
18. Start chatting with Montessori educators to find out more information
19. Another parent comes with their little girl
20. Toddler goes up to the little girl
21. Toddler says "Hi"and gives little girl a hug
22. All adults in the room go "Awwwwww!"
23. Find out other parent is president of Parents Centre (where we had anti-natal classes)
24. Continue to have a chat with Montessori educators and President of Parents Centre
25. Journalist for the local paper comes in, takes a few photos and interviews everyone about our thoughts on the workshop (hope that you look good in the photos... at least Toddler was presentably dressed!)
26. Finish up workshop
27. Have chat with Parents Centre President
28. End up volunteering to help out with the Parents Centre - with possibility of running their playgroup!
29. Leave and walk towards library
30. Walk into a SPCA person - chat with them for a while
31. Check time and see you're too late for the 11am Wriggle and Rhyme
32. Carry onto the Bead shop to get embellishments for current crafting project
33. Discuss possible business opportunity with owner of bead shop... (more info at a later date...)
34. Toddler says "Library?" 
35. Go to library, let Toddler pick a few books to read
36. Toddler picks up "It's ok to be different" by Todd Parr
37. Decide it's a good book
38. Take photo of it and send to Sister in law (who is a primary school teacher) as a suggestion
39. Chase after Toddler who picks a few new books
40. Decide to go back and get "It's ok to be different" out also
41. Find another child has taken it to read (good for them! :-D) 
42. Decide to get it out another time
43. Tell Toddler we are going home
44. Toddler screams "NO!" and runs away
45. Chase after Toddler
46. Catch up with them in the Family History section
47. Carry Toddler back to Children's section
48. Quietly remind Toddler that we are in the library and we use inside voices
49. Quietly and patiently tell Toddler  "We are going to go into the pram, then get some books out  and then go home for lunch"
50. Toddler still protests
51. Toddler runs away again and hides under the Children's table
52. Coax Toddler out
53. Convince Toddler to get into pram
54. Leave library and go home
55. Toddler smells ripe - change nappy and put into undies
56. Sit on couch and have lunch
57. Toddler finished lunch
58. Turn to Toddler
59. Toddler has vacant stare
60. Start to ask Toddler if they need to go toilet
61. Toddler stands up on couch
62. Toddler looks between legs
63. Toddler leaking
64. Toddler says "Mess!"
65. Grab Toddler and take to toilet for them to finish (Put peed on couch cushion into washing machine on way past)
66. Call out to Grandpa and ask them to put a towel on the "mess" and aim to clean up after Toddler finished
67. Toddler finished with toilet - change undies and pants
68. Go to clean up mess 
69. Find out Grandpa has done it
70. Thank Grandpa
71. Turn washing machine on with Toddlers help pushing the buttons
72. Take Toddler outside to play on motorbike tricycle
73. Toddler playing on motorbike tricycle in front yard
74. Toddler freezes and gasps "Uh"
75. Toddler jumps off motorbike tricycle and runs towards house shouting "Potty potty potty!"
76. Pick up motorbike tricycle and catch up with Toddler
77. Toddler decides they need to close the side gate before going inside
78. Toddler helps close gate and wants to go on motorbike tricycle
79. Remind Toddler they wanted to go potty
80. Toddler nods and runs to back door
81. Toddler wipes gumboots on door mat and says "Gumboots off"
82. Help Toddler take gumboots off and take to toilet
83. Toddler holds on the whole time and goes in the actual toilet (Yay!)
84. Praise Toddler
85. Daddy comes home and looks really tired
86. Offer Daddy a coffee - Toddler wants to help make it
87. Let Toddler help make most of the coffee, make one for self and Grandpa too
88. Give coffee to Daddy and Grandpa, sit down with own coffee (Toddler doesn't want drink)
89. Toddler plays with toys
90. Toddler runs in for a hug
91. Toddler running so fast you don't have enough time to move coffee out of the way
92. Get coffee all over jeans (luckily don't make hot coffees for this particular reason - just in case)
93. Check Toddler didn't get any on them (Toddler clean)
94. Remind Toddler that Mummy holding a "HOT" drink means that they need to be careful
95. Toddler says "HOT" and points to now empty mug
96. Toddler looks into mug and says "Empty" 
97. Toddler takes mug off you and says "Not hot" and "On Bench?"
98. Agree with Toddler "Yes, it's not hot anymore. Because it is empty - but you still need to be careful"
99. Thank Toddler for helping
100. Toddler puts cup on bench
101. Toddler comes back and looks into sleeve
102. Toddler pulls out biscuit and eats it
103. Have a laugh at Toddlers new spot for "secret stash"
104. Washing machine finished - help Toddler take out cushion
105. Toddler says "Clean - in there" (pointing to hot-water cupboard) 
106. Put cushion onto hot-water cupboard to help dry over night, intend to put outside to air in the morning.

How To: Give a Toddler a bath #2

1. Close bathroom window
2. Turn on bathroom heater
3. Put plug in bath
4. Take sunscreen off Toddler
5. Put baking soda in bath
6. Tell Toddler that we need to go to the potty before hopping in the bath
7. Walk out bathroom, followed closely by Toddler
8. Turn around the corner
9. Toddler turns too late
10. Toddler slams into linen cupboard door
11. Toddler bounces off linen cupboard door
12. Toddler picks themselves up
13. Toddler unfazed (so my Son!)
14. Collect potty and return to bathroom
15. Undress Toddler 
16. Get Toddler to sit on potty
17. Toddler sits for a while but doesn't do anything
18. Praise Toddler for trying
19. Put water into bath
20. Toddler tries to put potty into the bath
21. Take potty off Toddler
22. Put Toddler in bath
23. Toddler picks up cup, fills up with water and tips out
24. Toddler stands up
25. Toddler starts running on the spot
26. Remind Toddler you don't run in the bath
27. Toddler sits down and splashes the water
28. Get drenched by Toddler
29. Sing ABC's
30. Toddler gets shampoo
31. Toddler opens bottle with mouth
32. Toddler puts shampoo in dry hair
33. Wet Toddlers hair and help Toddler wash
34. Tell Toddler to get their finger out of the taps
35. Toddler touches each tap and says "Hot" and "Cold" 
36. Praise Toddler for knowing the difference
37. Distract Toddler with wind up crocodile 
38. Toddler picks up two cups
39. Toddler fills one cup and and tips it into the empty cup
40. Praise Toddler for doing a good jobs (got it all in the cup, didn't spill anything outside of it)
41. Toddler says "bye bye water"
42. Help Toddler out of bath
43. Toddler runs out of bathroom
44. Chase after Toddler with towel
45. Find Toddler sitting on Daddy's knee
46. Give Daddy towel to dry Toddler
47. Go back to bathroom to clean up

How To: Give a Toddler Feijoa Juice

1. Toddler sitting on Grandpas lap
2. Grandpa pours Toddler Feijoa juice
3. Toddler drinks juice
4. Toddler asks for more
5. Toddler takes a few sips
6. Toddler decides they don't want anymore
7. Toddler tries to pour juice back into bottle
8. Juice all over Grandpa and Toddler

How To: Cook Bacon Wrapped Chicken Breast with a Creamy Mushroom Sauce

1. Preheat oven to 200*C
2. Discover there is only two chicken breast and not three
3. Cut up into smaller pieces
4. Discover there is no bacon
5. Put chicken in oven for 45 minutes
6. Clean chopping board and put away
7. Cut up half the mushrooms - decide to put the rest aside for tomorrow nights dinner
8. Put mushrooms in saucepan with garlic infused oil, turn to medium heat
9. Peel and chop potatoes, while keeping an eye on and stirring mushrooms
10. Cut up one broccoli, put in steamer on stove - add water, but don't turn on
11. Put potatoes in pot, add water and salt - turn to high until boiling then medium heat
12. Get out butter, salt, pepper, flour, and milk to start the mushroom sauce
13. See Toddler enter kitchen
14. Say "Hi" give Toddler cuddle and send back into lounge with Daddy and Grandpa
15. Watch Toddler leave kitchen and enter lounge
16. Remove cooked mushrooms and put into bowl
17. Put 500g butter into same saucepan used for mushrooms (less dishes and more flavour)
18. Hear Toddler say "Banana" followed by a clatter
19. Turn to find Toddler with banana bunch in hand - and a shattered fruit bowl at their feet (second one in a year due to a "banana")
20. Pick Toddler up and move to other side of kitchen
21. Check to see that Toddler is ok (Toddler is fine and still holding onto banana)
22. Make mental note to get wire fruit bowl as replacement
23. Send Toddler into lounge, ask Hubby to change him
24. Turn to clean up broken fruit bowl, find Grandpa doing it
25. Give Grandpa brush and shovel and thank him for cleaning it up - find out later in the evening that bowl was a gift he was given 30 years ago :-( 
26. Turn back to stove, turn on element and make mushroom sauce
27. Turn steamer on
28. Potatoes ready
29. Ensure Toddler is in lounge in strict hold of Daddy
30. Drain potatoes, put in butter, salt, pepper and milk - mash the potatoes
31. Pull chicken out
32. Call out to Grandpa to double check chicken is ok (as he is a much better cook then you)
33. Toddler comes running in  "Ok! Ok!" to check chicken is ok, followed by Grandpa
34. Chicken is confirmed to be OK
35. Put Toddler in high chair 
36. Give "Harold" (The helicopter from Thomas the tank engine)
37. Dish dinner up
38. Serve drinks
39. Serve dinner
40. Sit down and eat dinner
41. Toddler wants down - throws Harold on the floor
42. Get Toddler down and continue to eat dinner
43. Toddler comes over with Harold  and rolls him over your jeans it is only then that you discover that Harold has also been rolling in mash potatoes
44. Take Harold of Toddler and finish eating dinner
45. Toddler goes into freezer and wants frozen peas
46. Put frozen peas in cup for Toddler
47. Toddler goes to high chair and wants up
48. Put Toddler into high chair
49. Toddler empties peas onto high chair frame and starts eating with his mouth (no hands involved)
50. Let Toddler have his fun, collect plates and start stacking dinner dishes

How To: Get a Milo stain out of a Cookie Monster jumper

1. Give Toddler Milo
2. Toddler drinks Milo and spills a few spots of milo on Cookie Monster jumper
3. Get new jumper for Toddler
4. Take off Cookie Monster jumper, put new one on
5. Put Cookie Monster Jumper in the laundry
6. Open laundry cupboard to get out napisan
7. Find that you are out of nappisan
8. Remember seeing a special 2 for 1 offer at Reduced to clear
9. Pack Toddler into car for a ride
10. Go to The Warehouse and find special on kids DVD's (3 for $20) 
11. Get 3 Fireman Sam DVD's (something new to watch yay!)
12. Go check out prices of napisan - can't find it anywhere
13. Pop into craft area to see if anything new for current projects
14. Find a whole heap of journaling cards you've been eyeing up for ages - On Special!!!!!!
15. Collect $50 worth of them and pay only $14 (dance for joy back to car to Toddlers amusement)
16. Drive next lot of shops around the corner
17. Got to post office, get stamps for Postcrossing 
18. Go to Mitre 10
19. Take Toddler to toilet
20. Lay disposable change mat on public toilet floor (EW!)
21. Kneel down on floor  (double EWW!!) 
22. Clean public Toilet (not so Ew...)
23. Help Toddler with pants 
24. Perch Toddler on toilet
25. Toddler shakes head
26. Take Toddler down off toilet
27. Help Toddler with pants
28. Help Toddler flush toilet
29. Help Toddler wash hands
30. Throw away disposable change mat
31. Wash hands again
32. Walk out to toilets and head for playground
33. Toddler only kid on playground
34. Toddler goes on everything
35. Toddler spots a ball
36. Toddler crawls under "car" 
37. Toddler comes out with 2 balls
38. Toddler is covered in dust
39. Clean Toddler off as best as possible
40. Help Toddler carry balls up to the top of the slide
41. Repeat above step
42. Tell Toddler 3 more slides and then we're going home
43. Toddler goes down slide two times
44. Toddler goes up stairs "bye bye stairs" (after each step)
45. Toddler says "bye bye tunnel"
46. Toddler says "bye bye slide" 
47. Toddler goes down slide
48. Toddler says "bye bye car"
49. Toddler picks up balls
50. Explain to Toddler that the balls stay at the playground for other children to play with
51. Toddler puts balls back under the car "bye bye balls"
52. Toddler willingly gets into pushchair and comes out of the playground
53. Praise Toddler and collect a mop and buy on the way out of Mitre10
54. Go into Reduced to clear to get nappisan
55. Find a really nice Gluten Free cup of soup on special
56. Toddler decides they want to hold mop
57. Give mop to Toddler
58. Toddler puts mop on floor and it mops though out the whole store (doesn't matter as the sponge has plastic covering over it)
59. Have a giggle at Toddler so casually "mopping" in front of him while he's sitting in pushchair
60. Get milk - 2 for 1
61. Get to check out
62. Hop into car
63. Get home, put shopping away
64. Go into laundry and find Cookie Monster jumper
65. Realise you forgot to get the napisan from Reduced to clear
66. Spray Cookie Monster jumper with natural stain remover and throw in washing machine
67. Hope that it will remove the stain after a nights soaking
68. Carry on with the rest of the day

How To: Clean up spilt milk

1. Fold washing
2. Toddler goes to fridge and gets out "Max Milk"
3. Help Toddler put into cup
4. Toddler spills cup of milk
5. Toddler says "It's a mess!"
6. Go into kitchen to get wet cloth
7. Come back into lounge and find Toddler cleaning up spilt milk with one of Grandpa's clean socks from the washing pile
8. Toddler says "I clean mess!" and gives you a very happy smile
9. Praise Toddler for cleaning up
10. Put sock in washing machine
11. Give wet cloth to Toddler to finish cleaning the mess
12. Continue folding washing

How To: Dress a Toddler

1. Ask Toddler to get dressed for the day
2. Toddler selects clothes
3. Toddler changes mind
4. Toddler refuses to put nappy on
5. Toddler says "Undies!"
6. Let Toddler choose undies
7. Get Toddler out of PJ pants and into undies
8. Hold red pants Toddler selected up for them to step into
9. Toddler changes mind again
10. Toddler fetches dirty  "Thomas" jeans out of washing basket to put on
11. Decide that they aren't too dirty for them to wear again...
12. Hold jeans up for Toddler to step into
13. Toddler refuses to put jeans on and plays with PJ buttons instead
14. Toddler plays with "Twink" (a soft toy from Rainbow Bright, which is actually the character "IQ" but I used to call him "Twink")
15. Toddler uses Twink to point to animal hanging quilt
16. Toddler names animals and makes their sounds
17. Toddler plays with nappy bin
18. Stop Toddler from playing with nappy bin
19. Toddler points to undies and says "Undies" 
20. Praise Toddler for using the right word
21. Stop Toddler from playing with nappy bin
22. Toddler starts counting
23. Toddler farts mid-count and thinks it's the funniest thing ever
24. Toddler plays with latch board
25. Toddler reads some books
26. Toddler then sits on knee and you read them "Tigger's Breakfast"
27. Get PJ top off Toddler
28. Take Toddler to Toilet
29. Put wet undies into wash
30. Get new undies while Toddler goes to see Grandpa
31. Hear "Do you mind not doing that?" 
32. Come back to Toddler and Grandpa, ask what Toddler did
33. Get told Toddler farted on Grandpa
34. Put fresh undies on Toddler
35. Tell Toddler to put his pants on
36. Toddler screams "NO!" and runs away
37. Follow Toddler with clothes 
38. Find them in the lounge on Grandpa's chair rocking away with toy car in hands
39. Take toy car off Toddler and use to bribe to put pants on
40. Fail
41. Toddler wants potty book
42. Use potty book to bribe to put pants on
43. Fail
44. Decide to use the "Hand and Foot" Method (Put hand through bottom of pants, grab Toddlers foot and put pants on that way - like you would with a baby)
45. Succeed with Toddler saying "Foot Stuck!" the whole time
46. Pants are on
47. Sit down to gain energy for the next round
48. After a ten minute break, next round begins
49. Put Toddlers shirt on over head
50. Toddler lays down on toys
51. Put Toddler's arms though holes
52. Toddler says "Arm Stuck!" the whole time
53. Shirt is on
54. Toddler rolls away and leans on Arabic speaking and singing keys
55. Toddler picks up toy to play with it
56. Toddler gets up and goes to fridge
57. Toddler gets out "Max Milk"
58. Help Toddler pour milk into cup
59. Ask Toddler to put on Cookie Monster jumper
60. Succeed
61. Toddler dressed for the day
62. Go back to Toddlers room and clean up all the clothes.

How To: Decide what to have for dinner

1. Go out in the morning to Rhyme Time at the library
2. Forget to get meat out for dinner
3. Do a little bit of opshopping and get some awesome finds
4. While out, go to a roast shop and buy some "Gluten Free" crumbed chicken
5. Go home and share lunch with Toddler
6. Start to get a sore tummy and feel like crap (Toddler fine, so wasn't the "chicken" side of things)
7. Decide it mustn't have been Gluten free like advertised
8. Sit down and do low energy activities with Toddler (Drawing, Reading etc)
9. Get a burst of energy and take Toddler outside
10. Ring Hubby to find out what he wants for dinner
11. Find out he'll be late home from work
12. Decide on pumpkin soup
13. Get pumpkin soup from Freezer
14. Drop pumpkin soup on floor
15. Pick up shattered pieces
16. Put pumpkin soup in microwave bowl
17. Toddler opens freezer - "Mince?"
18. Take pre-cooked mince meal off Toddler
19. Cook and serve Toddler mince meal
20. Give vanilla rice cup to Toddler for dessert
21. Clean up Toddler - keep finding rice
22. Give Toddler bath
23. Chase Toddler with Towel
24. Dress Toddler in Thermal and nappy
25. Give up on rest of PJ's for now
26. Sit down with Toddler and read a few books
27. Toddler wants Fireman Sam...
28. Let him watch a little bit before Daddy comes home
29. Give Toddler bottle
30. Toddler sits and drinks for a while
31. Toddler comes up to you
32. Toddler says "Hold this"
33. Toddler hands you bottle
34. Toddler rides truck around lounge, up to bedroom, comes back down hall and into the kitchen
35. Toddler comes back into the lounge - Repeats again
36. Everytime Toddler passes by, grabbs bottle for a sip then off again
37. Sit in amusement to watch Toddler
38. Toddler comes up to you with a hair tie and points to his hair
39. Tie Toddlers hair up
40. Toddler says "What you doing?"
41. Tell Toddler to look in the mirror
42. Toddler looks in the mirror and says "Hi There!"
43. Toddler lies down on floor and plays with train, truck and race car
44. Watch Toddler play for a bit under coffee table
45. Toddler walks back to mirror (mirror is in china cabinet)
46. Toddler puts truck on top of china cabinet
47. Ask Toddler to take truck off china cabinet
48. Toddler comes over gives you a kiss, collects bottle
49. Toddler sits in doughnut
50. Toddler unzips doughnut and takes stuffing out
51. Take stuffing off Toddler and put back into doughnut
52. Toddler takes hair tie out
53. Comes back and ask you to put it back in
54. Repeat #52 and #53
55. Toddler says "You"
56. Put hair tie in own hair
57. Toddler says "No! You, Me"
58. Figure out that Toddler wants his hair to be like yours
59. Explain to Toddler their hair is shorter then yours
60. Toddler gives up and plays with truck again
61. Daddy comes home - he's eaten dinner
62. Put Toddler to bed
63. Cook pumpkin soup
64. Eat pumpkin soup while picking a few shards of plastic out of it.

How To: Start teaching your Toddler the alphabet

1. Sing the alphabet every night at bedtime (and through out the day when you can)
2. Say the phonetics of the Alphabet every night (changing in theme every week)
3. Get alphabet books and read to every day/night
4. Get CD's from the library and play on continuous loop so you hear it every time you go out in the car (Dame Judi Dench's one is pretty good AND tolerable)
5. Get alphabet magnets for Toddler to play with (which get spread around the house each time you use them, and find them in many random places the next day or weeks later)
6. Get alphabet puzzle
7. Get an annoying DVD that pronounces the letter "Z" as "Zee" instead o "Zed" 
8. Find Elmo's ABC's DVD - Put it on to find out it only has the letters "A" "I" and "J" (Decide to see if whole set is at the Library)
9. Ask Toddler to help bring in the wood
10. Have Toddler point to wood and say "Wood! Wwww... Wood!" 
11. Praise Toddler for getting it right :-D
12. Continue with making a game out of letters and have heaps of fun every time Toddler comes out with a new letter :-)

How To: Make "Magic Milo"

1. Get formula travel tube
2. Put one teaspoon of milo in
3. Half fill with hot water
4. Fill remainder with milk
5. Give to Toddler to shake
6. Say "Abracadabra!"
7. Pour into Toddler's choice of cup (Thomas, Robot or Avengers - changes each day)
8. Enjoy!

How To: Teach a Toddler not to wear shoes while on the couch

1. Sit down with coffee
2. Toddler comes up for cuddles
3. Toddler gets off
4. Toddler puts gumboots on
5. Toddler jumps up on couch
6. Tell Toddler you don't jump on the couch or wear shoes on the couch
7. Have Toddler pause and look pointedly at my slippers on my feet on the couch
8. Consider explaining difference of slippers and gumboots
9. Take slippers off
10. Toddler takes Gumboots off

Later in the day

1. Toddler sits down next to Daddy on the couch with gumboots on
2. Toddler Takes off gumboots and looks at me "Boots off!"
3. Lovely smiles from Toddler
4. Praise Toddler for taking off gumboots

How To: Give a Toddler a bath

1. Feed Toddler Chilli Con Carne for dinner
2. Give water bottle for drink
3. Take bottle off Toddler for squirting it into dinner bowl
4. Clean up dinner
5. Feed Toddler Jelly for dessert
6. Start stacking dishes
7. Toddler throws bowl of jelly on the floor
8. Clean up jelly and Toddler
9. Give Toddler a bath
10. Entertain Toddler in bath by spitting water out of mouth
11. Have Toddler in fits of giggles
12. Watch in amusement as Toddler tries to do the same but only results in dribble raspberries 
13. Take Toddler out of Bath
14. Put Toddler on potty
15. Praise Toddler for using potty
16. Clean up potty
17. Dress Toddler
18. Make bottle
19. Read Thomas' Tool Box
20. Read Tigger's Breakfast
21. Sing the Alphabet
22. Sing There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
23. Say Goodnight to Toddler and give goodnight kiss
24. Close door
25. Hear door open
26. Put Toddler to bed
27. Go to loo
28. Hear Toddlers door open again
29. Tell Toddler to go to bed
30. Hear Toddler say "Where are you?"
31. Get out and find Toddler in Lounge
32. Take Toddler to bed - Toddler stays this time

How To: Change a Toddlers room around

1. Toddler wakes up at midnight
2. Give Toddler cuddle, find they are wet through
3. Change Toddler and Make Bottle
4. Give to Grandpa to cuddle
5. Change bed
6. Decide in the morning that bed needs to be moved for better changing

The next day:

1. Get up and make breakfast
2. Discover there is no instant coffee
3. Opt for special pod coffee instead
4. Let Toddler put pod into attachment
5. Make Toddler Milo
6. Watch Toddler pick up play phone and talk on it
7. Toddler gives play phone to Grandpa
8. Grandpa talks on play phone and gives back to Toddler
9. Toddler brings play phone to Mum Mum
10. Mum Mum talks on play phone and give back to Toddler
11. Toddler now has hands full of other toys
12. Toddler looks at toys
13. Toddler looks at phone
14. Toddler keeps hold of toys and leans head in against phone to talk on it (while Mum Mum still holding it out to him)
15. Give Toddler Milo
16. Have Coffee and Breakfast
17. Tell Toddler to come to bedroom to get dressed for the day
18. Toddler jumps on toy truck and rides to bedroom (well, he got to his room - take it anyway I can!)
19. Toddler chooses own clothes (Brown checkered jumper, Stripy brown tights with monkey on the bum, covered by red and black lightening mcqueen shorts and a brown and orange striped beanie on his head)
20. Send Toddler outside with Grandpa to play on bike and collect firewood (Toddler puts helmet on)
21. Call Todder in for lunch
22. Prepare lunch for Toddler (Apples, cheese, saltanas and crackers)
23. Toddler wants to "Help cheese?"
24. Give Todder cheese slice 
25. Watch in amusement as Toddler tries slicing cheese only to give up and take a bite out of it
26. Slice cheese for toddler and give lunch 
27. Start dishes
28. Clean microwave
29. Stop Toddler form climbing kitchen bench
30. Give Thomas to Toddler
31. Toddler goes into pantry and gets baking soda
32. Toddler tries to open baking soda
33. Toddler gets an idea
34. Toddler uses corner of the pantry door to try to open baking soda - partially successful
35. Praise Toddler for being a clever monkey
36. Close lid and put in pantry
37. Finish dishes
38. Open cup of soup - spills everywhere
39. Clean up
40. Make remainder up - put aside to cool
41. Do load of washing, put in basket
42. Drink warm soup
43. Toddler picks up washing "I help?"
44. Take overturned basket off Toddler
45. Put clothes back into basket
46. Take Toddler out of cupboard
47. Get head butted by Toddler (helmet still on)
48. Start sorting Toddlers room
49. Toddler stands at toilet door and knocks
50. Open door and help Toddler go to Toilet
51. Send Toddler outside to play with Grandpa again
52. Start to move room around
53. Decide more is needed to be done as Toddler is a climber and new LO will just encourage them to use bedroom as an obstacle course
54. See that is it afternoon tea time
55. Call Toddler and Grandpa in
56. Make a coffee for self and Grandpa (with Toddlers help)
57. Help Toddler make a magic milo (see how to make a magic milo)
58. Sit down for afternoon tea - give Toddler one biscuit and Grandpa two
59. Watch in amusement as Toddler dunks and eats own biscuit and then eats Grandpa's two
60. Get given a cheeky grin by Toddler when Grandpa says "Oi!"
61. Finish Coffee and follow Toddler into the kitchen
62. Tell Toddler to get out of the pantry and that he doesn't need anymore biscuits
63. Follow Toddler into lounge
64. Tell Toddler no fireman sam today
65. Take Toddler outside to play - Have heaps of fun!
66. Find out Toddler can open up front gate (decide to get better lock tomorrow)
67. Tell Toddler he's going food shopping with Grandpa
68. Toddler hops into the Drivers seat of car "I'm Driving!"
69. Have a laugh and tell Toddler they are doing a good job driving
70. Put Toddler in car seat
71. Wave Toddler and Grandpa off
72. Go back and finish sorting room out (It got done JUST as they came back from the food shop!)
73. Give self pat on the back for a job well done.

How To: Watch the Olympic Games

1. Book Gymnastics on Sky for the morning at 9am
2. Get woken up by Toddler at 7am (cool, little sleep in!)
3. Let Hubby have sleep in
4. Sort breakfast
5. Sit down to watch Gymnastics
6. Realise you got up too early - watch Dora the explorer instead
7. 9am watch Gymnastics
8. Watch Male Gymnasts do their thing
9. Cringe when poor French guy breaks a leg
10. Turn off T.V.
11. Do a few things round the house with Toddlers help
12. Tell Toddler we'll go out later with Daddy
13. Toddler insists on putting Thomas helmet on
14. Toddler insists on waking Daddy up
15. Convince Toddler to have shower instead and let Daddy sleep
16. Finish shower as Daddy gets up - Daddy kindly dresses Toddler
17. Go outside with Toddler playing on bike
18. Chat to hubby while watching Toddler
19. Toddler picks up hose and starts running with it in his hands
20. Hose only goes so far
21. Hose sling shots Toddler backward
22. Check on Toddler - Toddler fine, have a laugh with Toddler
23. Tell Toddler to come inside to get ready to go out
24. Toddler grabbs digger toy
25. Wipes gumboots on doormat
26. Says 'Wipe, Wipe" to digger
27. Wipes diggers "feet"
28. Takes helmet off and changes clothes for warmer ones
29. Get Fish and Chips for lunch
30. Get to Ardmore airport
31. Put Toddler in tray of ute to watch planes
32. Have fish and chips
33. Toddler sits on chips
34. Toddler walks round with mushed up chips on bum
35. Toddler tries to open Daddy's tool box - fails
36. Toddler drinks Daddy's drink - get bubbles up nose and sneezes
37. Clean up remainder of fish and chips - put in rubbish bag to dispose of later
38. Toddler throws rubbish bag out of tray of ute
39. Remind Toddler we don't litter
40. Toddler finds rubbish bin in tray of ute
41. Toddler puts rubbish bag into bin -  play's with rubbish bin like a drum
42. Toddler tries to jump out of tray of ute - stop Toddler
43. Spitfire flies over
44. Toddler stops everything to watch Spitfire
45. Watch planes for a while longer
46. Get back into car and go home
47. Sit down while Father-in-law cooks dinner (Cheese Toasties)
48. Cook custard and pears for desert
49. Watch Toddler enjoy dessert
50. Watch Toddler pour remaing custard into cup for a drink (no spills!)
51. Toddler licks plate
52. Toddler puts plate on head and then throws on floor
53. Clean up plate, leave Toddler in highchair in care of Daddy
54. Get cloth to clean Toddler up
55. Hear  "No!" - come back to find cup now on floor
56. Pick up cup off floor and clean up Toddler
57. Put Toddler in bath
58. Get splashed
59. Tell Toddler not to run and jump in the bath
60. Tell Toddler not to drink bath water
61. Say "bye bye" to water and pull plug
62. Get wet hug from Toddler
63. Chase wet Toddler with towel
64. Catch up with Toddler on Grandpas knee
65. Finish drying Toddler
66. Get clothes
67. Try to convince Toddler to get dressed
68. Get asked "What's that?" pointing behind me
69. Don't fall for Toddlers trick
70. Get asked "Drink?"
71. Bribe Toddler with drink in Giant Shrek cup if they get dressed
72. Get Toddler dressed
73. Tell Toddler it's bedtime
74. Toddler grabs Monkey and makes a beeline for the bath
75. Toddler says goodnight to the bath
76. Toddler kisses the bath
77. Tuck Toddler into bed
78. Read The Foot book
79. Tell Goodnight Moon
80. Sing alphabet
81. Do animals in alphabet - struggle with K and X ( say K is for kite, X is for X-ray)
82. Sing There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
83. Give Toddler goodnight kiss
84. Decide to check up on animal's starting with K (Kangaroo - DUH!) and X (X-ray Tetra - well, I was close with X-ray!)
85. Sit down and realise there is not much free to air Olympic Games
86. "Carry on, Follow that Camel" instead (Giggle the night away)

How To: Fold the washing

1. Wake up after a LOOOOOONG sleep in - thanks to an AWESOME Hubby! :-D
2. Put a load of washing on
3. Have breakfast
4. Get dressed
5. Wash windows
6. Let Toddler help
7. Get ready to go outside to bring dry washing in
8. Tell Toddler to get his Helmet, shoes and socks on
9. Look outside and see that it is raining
10. Tell Toddler it's raining
11. Distract Toddler with Alphabet magnets - let him keep his helmet on
12. Start to fold dry washing already inside basket
13. Hear Toddler playing with the pots and pans
14. Come into Kitchen to find Toddler "Cooking" alphabet soup
15. Fold washing
16. Hear Toddler getting out the Wok
17. Put Wok away and give steamer set to Toddler
18. Watch Toddler open freezer
19. Take frozen peas off Toddler
20. Get told "Peas! Put in there" by Toddler
21. Pour a few peas into the steamer for Toddler to eat and "cook" with
22. Put frozen peas away
23. Fold more washing
24. Turn round to find Toddler trying to put cat into pot
25. Take cat off Toddler and tell Toddler we don't cook cats
26. Take Toddler to the toilet
27. Ask Toddler "Are you finished Darling?"
28. Have Toddler cup your face in his hands, give you a kiss and say "Yes Darling"
29. *Heart Melts*
30. Help Toddler off Toilet and let them flush it (even though there is nothing there) wash hands, tell Toddler not to eat cupcake soap
31. Get clean undies
32. Hear banging of pots and pans
33. Find Toddler tipping peas into the toilet to flush them down
34. Take pot off Toddler and put on bench to wash later
35. Turn around to find Toddler peeing up against the back door
36. Tell Toddler that we don't pee against the door
37. Clean up pee and notice rubbish bin needs emptying 
38. Put undies on Toddler
39. Empty rubbish bin
40. Open back door
41. Have puddle of pee gush out in a waterfall onto kitchen floor and door step (wonder how he managed to do SO much???!!!)
42. Clean up pee
43. Put rubbish out
44. Put washing out on line
45. Tell Toddler not to crash his "motorbike" up against Mummy's car
46. Finish hanging up washing
47. Tell Toddler it's lunchtime
48. Put toast in toaster
49. Open fridge
50. Remove the letter "D" out of the fridge
51. Make spaghetti on toast for Toddler
52. Make cup of soup for own lunch - put aside to cool
53. Fold more washing
54. Turn to Toddler giggling
55. Watch in amusement as Toddler "slurps" up his spaghetti and gives you brilliant smiles
56. Praise Toddler for reaching this milestone :-P
57. Write on shopping list - hear a clatter
58. Pick plate of spaghetti off the floor
59. Remind Toddler we don't throw food on the floor
60. Wipe Toddlers hands and give cloth to Toddler to wipe own mouth
61. Get Toddler down from highchair
62. Wipe Toddlers face
63. Fold more washing - sorting out what needs to go away and what needs to go in hot-water cupboard
64. Empty clothes out of hot-water cupboard
65. Come back to other folded clothes to find Toddler with an armful of his clothes 
66. Give Toddler  a smile as he says "I help, put away"
67. Praise Toddler for helping and exchange slightly damp clothes in his arms for dry clothes to be put away
68.  Put clothes away
69. Sit down and have cold cup of soup for lunch. 

How To: Wake up in the Morning

1. Get woken up by Toddler at 2.30am
2. Let Toddler come in bed as it is cold
3. Fall asleep cuddling Toddler
4. Get woken up at 3.30am by Toddler kicking the blankets off
5. Ask Toddler if they want to go back to own bed *Toddler Nods*
6. Get up to take Toddler back to own bed
7. Follow Toddler into their room
8. Have Toddler zoom out between your legs
9. Turn round and follow Toddler to kitchen door
10. Open Kitchen door and remind Toddler that Daddy and Grandpa are sleeping
11. Turn light on for Toddler
12. Stand there for a moment for eyes to adjust
13. Watch Toddler open bottle drawer and select bottle
14. Watch Toddler open fridge and select his milk
15. Take bottle and milk off Toddler
16. Remind screaming Toddler to use inside voice and that Daddy and Grandpa are sleeping
17. Pour milk into bottle
18. Let Toddler put lid on bottle and milk away in fridge
19. Let Toddler open microwave and put in bottle
20. Show Toddler what buttons to push on microwave
21. Take bottle out of microwave and give to Toddler
22. Carry Toddler to bed
23. Tuck Toddler in
24. Sing "ABC"
25. Sing "This old man"
26. Collect bottle off Toddler
27. Sing "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly"
28. Realise Toddler is asleep
29. Go back to bed and fall asleep
30. Get woken by Toddler at 5.00am
31. Give Toddler Cuddles
32. Get told "Sing song"
33. Starting singing "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly..."
34. Fall asleep
35. Get woken up by "Song!"
36. Sing "There was an old lady who swallowed a spider..."
37. Fall Sleep
38. Get woken up by "Song! Song!"
39. Sing "There was an old lady who swallowed a cow..."
40. Fall asleep
41. Wake up to giggling and the flushing of the toilet
42. Get up for the day

How To: Cook a Tuscan Beef Casserole

1.  Get home from Dentist and make Toddler Lunch
2. Put on Fireman Sam to keep Toddler occupied while prepping dinner
3. Get slow cooker out of the cupboard
4. Realise it's a bit dusty
5. Give Slow cooker a quick wash
6. Check on Toddler
7. Find that Toddler has somehow acquired a .48 cent price tag on bum
8. Take price sticker off - put on back of hand for safe keeping
9. Go back to kitchen and cut up meat
10. Boil jug for soup for own lunch
11. Make cup of soup
12. Realise soup is too hot - put aside
13. Check on Toddler
14. Find that Todder has stripped his clothes off and is stuck trying to get his pants off over his Thomas shoes
15. Help Toddler out of predicament
16. Take Toddler to Toilet
17. Wash hands - Tell Toddler not to eat cupcake soap
18. Put Toddler in undies
19. Convince Toddler to put on a "P is for Pirate T-shirt"
20. Fail to convince Toddle to put on pants or shorts
21. Drink  (now cold) soup with straw on left side of mouth
22. Finish cutting beef up, Brown beef and put in slow cooker
23. Cover with Tuscan Beef Casserole Sauce from "Global Cuisine"
24. Set on high and leave until dinner time
25. Check on Toddler
26. Tell Toddler to take CD out of mouth
27. Say Bye to Fireman Sam
28. Sit with Toddler and Read HEAPS of books
29. Let Toddler know Daddy is home
30. Greet Hubby at door, try to smile with numbish mouth
31. Semi-Pass
32. Answer Hubby's question "What's for Dinner" with "Steak cut up in the slow cooker with a tuscan sauce" (as hubby is not a fan of casserole, so hoping you can get this one by him)
33. Fail
34. Wait for it... "So in other words it's Stew?"
35. *Smile* and answer "No... Tuscan Beef Casserole!"
36. Laugh while Hubby sings "Stew is yuck and Casserole too!"
37. Be glad that Toddler didn't hear that
38. Give Hubby sample of dinner to make sure they don't want it
39. Make noodles for Hubby's dinner
40. Go outside with Toddler and hang up washing
41. Pick up towel to hang up
42. See Toddler Scoot around to back of the property with motorbike tricycle
43. Put towel down and walk to check on Toddler
44. Realise that it is quiet... TOO QUIET (Not good in past experience)
45. RUN to check on Toddler
46. Find motobike tricycle but NO Toddler
47. Turn around to find Toddler near ladder (ladder propped up against shed)
48. RUN to where Toddler is
49. Trip over own feet
50. Manage to keep running and get to Toddler before they get out of your reach
51. Cling onto Toddler and tell them to climb down
52. Get Toddler to step down one rung and refuse to move anymore
53. Continue clinging onto Toddler with one hand
54. Slowly reach for phone in pocket to call Hubby inside the house (no way he would hear you from outside)
55. Continue clinging onto Toddler with one hand while calling Hubby and getting ready to drop the damn phone if Toddler moves one inch
56. When Hubby answers, tell him calmly (more calmly then you would have ever thought you could in this particular situation) "Hi Hunny, can you please come out here behind the garage and help me get Max down off the ladder before he falls off? Thanks!"
57. Put phone back in pocket and cling onto Toddler  with both hands who still wants to "Climb Up!"
58. Sigh in relief as Hubby runs up to you and gets Toddler down
59. Finish hanging up washing while keeping a VERY stern eye on Toddler
60. Start serving Toddler's dinner up
61. Offer Hubby a drink and serve
62. Hear a clatter in the kitchen
63. Go to investigate
64. Find bag of frozen peas in Toddler's hands and peas on the floor
65. Put Toddler back in the lounge
66. Clean up peas on floor and bin
67. Tell Toddler dinner is ready find Toddler with bubble gun looking like they need to go toilet
68. Take Toddler to toilet and get shot in the face with bubble gun
69. Get Toddler down, fetch bubble gun out of the toilet
70. Spray bubble gun with disinfectant and wash
71. Wash hands and Toddler's hands (tell Toddler not to eat cupcake soap)
72. Tell Toddler Dinner is ready
73. Get Bib - hear clatter
74.  Turn to find Toddler's plate on the floor (right side up) and Toddler eating off it
75. Pick  up plate, clean up spillage, take packet of flour off Toddler
76. Put Toddler in high chair
77. Put Bib on and find Banana Cherrio in Toddler's hood of hoodie
78. Remove banana cherrio and give Toddler dinner
79. Realise numbness has worn off, take pain killers
80. Dish up and eat own dinner
81.  Remember Dentist told you not to eat on right side of mouth
82. Switch to eating on left hand side
83. Finish Dinner and wonder where on earth the .48 cent price sticker on your hand came from.

How To: Go to the Dentist

1.Wake up later then intended
2. Eat breakfast and have shower while Trusty Grandpa feeds Toddler breakfast
3. Put Toddler in car - give Ducky in Cup with Hippo added for extra entertainment
4. Open and shut gates
5. Get to Dentist
6. Leave Toddler in car with Trusty Babysitter Grandpa (who will read to, take for walk, feed and entertain until Dental Appointment is finished)
7. Have friendly chat with receptionist (who's also a family friend)
8. Prepay for Dentist to ensure no chickening out...(ouch in the pocket)
9. Sit in Dentist Chair , lay head back
10. Sit up, pull hair tie out of hair
11. Lay back down again
12. Say Hi to Dentist, ask about his holiday
13. See BIG needle Squeeze eyes shut so you don't see it and freak out anymore
14. Open mouth
15. Lay patiently while Dentist does his work
16. Get stuffed nose
17. Realise you can't breathe out of nose
18. Start to breathe out of mouth (hope that dentist doesn't think you have bad breath)
19. Realise you can't breathe out of mouth OR nose
20. Have panic attack
21. Wave hands frantically to get Dentist's attention
22. Try not to move head in process while BIG drill is in mouth
23. BREATHE! Now that Dentist has removed big drill from mouth
24. Explain to Dentist that you can't breathe through nose or mouth for some reason
25. Proceed with plan: Hold breath while dentist works, snap fingers when need to breathe
26. Walk out of Dentist with full lower lip numb, right side of face and tongue numb
27. Get to car to find Toddler in front seat waving at me cheerfully
28. Try to give Toddler smile
29. Fail and catch dribble with a little giggle... :-P
30. Pick Toddler up, get a lovely cuddle accompanied with slobbery kiss on numb face
31. Put Toddler in car seat, hand Toddler "ROADWORKS" book
32. Sit in passenger seat on way home, listening to Toddler singing "Truck T-T-T-Truck!" "Car C-C-C-Car!"