How To: Clean a Toddler's Hand, a Foot and a Mouth

1. Go to Dr's appointment to discuss something very important
2. Take along Hubby to back up importance (and to look after Toddler)
3. Walk into Dr's office and sit down
4. Toddler does a poo
5. Sit and talk with Dr 
6. Toddler starts exploring Dr's office
7. Dr picks Toddler up for a cuddle - gets whiff of poo
8. Dr puts Toddler down
9. Finish appointment and head home
10. Get home
11. Ask Toddler to come to bedroom to change nappy
12. Toddler runs to bedroom and hides between bed and window
13. Call Toddler out
14. Toddler is in an ignoring mood
15. Tell Toddler to come out on the count of three 
16. Count to three
17. Toddler refuses to move
18. Come out and ask Hubby to help get Toddler out of tricky spot
19. Hubby calls out to Toddler "Come out, or you'll get a sore bum from your poo!"
20. Toddler comes running out
21. Take Toddler back to bedroom
22. Put Toddler on change mat
23. Take nappy off Toddler
24. Toddler kicks out
25. Dodge kick
26. Toddler puts Monkey "Down There" 
27. Take Monkey off Toddler (yes, covered in poo)
28. Toddler puts foot down in poo
29. Toddler kicks out again
30. Toddler scores kick into stomach 
31. Poo shaped foot print now on front of off-white coloured t-shirt (NEVER wear white when you have a Toddler)
32. Call Hubby to help
33. Hubby comes and tries to give hug to help calm down
34. Warn Hubby about the poo
35. Hubby steps back as if infected with the plague
36. Laugh and leave Hubby to it with Toddler
37. While rinsing poo off shirt and Monkey hear: "No."
38. Hear "Don't do that!"
39. Hear "NO! NOT THE FOOT!"
40. Hear "No, don't touch it"
41. Hear "NO DON'T EAT IT!"
42. Hear "Oh no, no, no, no, NO! HELP!"
43. Crack up laughing and head back to bedroom to help Hubby (it's either that or crying)
44. Take over situation and send dry retching Hubby away to get some fresh air
45. Finish cleaning Toddler up - pay close attention to Todder's hand, foot and mouth
46. Strip change mat cover and two blankets off the bed (covered in poo hand and foot prints) 
47. Put Monkey, blankets, change mat cover, t-shirt and Toddlers pants into washing machine