How To: Get your Husband to wax your legs

Yes, you read that right. I asked my Husband to wax my legs for me. Before I start the list and tell you how it went, let me just tell you a few things that lead up to this... oh, not so wise decision...

I have recently had an operation in my stomach and pelvic area that has limited my movement, therefore making it practically impossible for me to bend in all the different ways required for me to shave my legs successfully.

In the past, I have tried waxing my legs but always found it messy, sore and ineffective (I think a lot of it had to do with I just didn't know how to use the product properly, so I opted to shave my legs instead)

Today however, I looked at my hairy legs and thought "enough it enough!" being summer, I was so sick of having to wear jeans to cover my legs (I know, I know - in this day and age you shouldn't be worried about it, but I like to have nicely shaved legs when I wear shorts or a skirt) So, I went out and decided to buy some waxing strips from the local supermarket, here is where todays list starts...

1. Get to supermarket and look at the different selections of wax strips
2. Decide to try a "New" product (Nads Exfoliating Body Wax Strips)
3. Get home and ask Hubby to help with the waxing process
4. Hubby gives me the "Are you crazy?!" look
5. Assure Hubby that I am happy for him to do it, and that I will not be angry at him (no matter what happens)
6. Hubby still looks doubtful, but agrees with an "Ok...."
7. Open packet of wax strips and read instructions 
8. These are exfoliating wax strips, so us the exfoliating side on legs before applying (check)
9. Put the first two strips on and wait for Hubby to come back into the room (and for the wax to cool down) 
10. Hubby comes back in, still looking quite doubtful "Are you sure you want to do this?" 
11. Assure Hubby that I do...
12. Hubby then rips the first one off
13. Scream and yelp and crack up laughing
14. Inspect the wax strip (it worked! took off a fair amount of hair, Yay!)
15. Inspect leg - still a little bit of hair left in the area, decide to tidy it up later with tweezers
16. Husband applies the next few strips
17. Toddler decides to come investigate
18. Toddler watches his Daddy rips more strips off and cracks up laughing at my reaction (both Hubby and Toddler are enjoying this way too much!)
19. Start getting light headed from the pain (oh, didn't you know? I'm such a woose!) 
20. Hubby, after removing more wax strips sees how I'm coping and tells me that I'm better off just shaving my legs 
21. Tell Hubby that he can continue, decide to read the instructions again - spot a "warning" section I hadn't seen before... It says not to apply to any area that has veracious veins. (I have them on both legs since pregnancy, predominately on my left, so I can't wax those sections and will have to shave there anyway)
22. Hubby takes off the rest of the wax strips (in total we used 6)
23. Decide to finish up shaving legs instead - better to stick with what you know
24. Spend next hour sitting on a chair in the bathroom finishing up my legs, knowing that for the next little while I will have very patchy legs - at least I don't look like a warewolf now!

How To: Try the new "Black Mask" Trend

1. Do copious amounts of surveys online to earn enough points for a fishpond voucher
2. Buy black mask
3. Wait a few days excitedly 
4. Finally gets here
5. Decide to put the mask on and try it out
6. First, tie hair back
7. Wash face
8. Then, get vaseline and apply to eyebrows and hairline
9. Get black mask from the kitchen (where I had opened the courier bag and left it)
10. Come back to the bathroom and find Toddler cleaning their teeth - toothpaste everywhere
11. Clean up toothpaste - let Toddler keep toothbrush so they can brush their teeth some more
12. Put on black mask, put a thin layer over cheeks and forehead, but a thicker layer over chin and nose area (as that is my problem area)
13. Take a photo of the mask on
14. Toddler has a huge grin on their face "Mum! FACE!"
15. Put the black mask back in the kitchen, so it is out of reach of Toddler
16. Come back to bathroom to find Toddler has played with the toothpaste some more
17. Clean up mess and sit down for 20 minutes... 
18. Check face and see that there are still a few spots that need to dry, so wait another 10 minutes
19. Peel off the mask, expecting a lot of pain and tears
20. Mask seems to be similar to the other peel off masks
21. Have mixed feelings of disappointment and joy - it didn't work as well as was expecting, but it did make skin feel nice and didn't leave any redness. I give this product a 7/10. 

How To: Have Morphia Induced Dreams...

For those that do not know, I have recently been in hospital for an operation. The first night I was pretty out of it, due to the general aneasetic. But the second night in, I was given Morphine based pain killers and they messed with my dreams HEAPS! So, below are the following dreams I had on this particular pain pill... hope you have a giggle like I did the next morning!

1. First up, the Troll from Dora the Explorer singing "You've gotta Toll" - with Dora singing back up vocals. 
2. 
   
3. Got woken up by the blood pressure trolley rattling down through the ward and it was interpreted in my dream as someone trying to break down the back door
4. 
   
5. Jennifer Anniston dressed up in a fairy princess dress telling me that she's my supplier... my pillow supplier!
6. 
   
7. Then I went swimming with Dory
8. Toddler some how turned up asking me for monkey, then when I dropped it, it turned into skittles and baked beans and then started popping into popcorn 
9. The Popcorn from before turned into a zebra with Donkeys voice from Shrek
10. Had a dream about trying to find miniature models of the Titanic- aparently there is a set and it is very nice
11. The new yellow flea repellent carpet is now the in thing (had earlier in the day been discussing how to get rid of fleas in the carpet with MIL)
12. Don't know what I had dreamt,  but at one point I woke up with a desperate need for the milk in the fridge!
13. Popcorn, nonstop coffee maker is the new "in thing"
14. Don't know why donuts don't grow on trees, but they make a nice wall decorations
15. New coloured chalk needs to be grated into sand before we leave (didn't know where were were going in the dream, but it was important to grate this damn chalk!)
16. I was in a lift with a lawyer on our way to the courtroom to prosecute someone
17. Back in high school now and trying to book a meeting with my dean at Massey... glad I woke up when I did- I hated that school!
18. Singing with SIA and for once I can sing! (Because I have her magic wig!)

Hope you managed to have a giggle - eventually I will write an account on how it is to recover from surgery when you have a Toddler and Hubby and Trusty Grandpa looking after said Toddler... but still having moments of exhaustion and unable to focus long enough to really write it all down! For now, enjoy the above!

How To: Put on a raincoat

This morning my house was a mess. It was. I had laundry all over the place, thanks to the Toddler having heaps of fun flying it around (probably thinking he was a twister) His toys were also all over the floor - so it was covered in a mixture of Duplo, Toy Cars, Trains and Train Tracks! Oh and we still had last nights dinner dishes and this mornings breakfast dishes on the bench waiting to be washed...

All of this was because I was so absorbed in calling places and arranging things that had to be sorted before my surgery. I spent a fair amount of that time on hold, to which I used the time to vacuum behind the bed and practicing my vocal skills by singing along to the different tunes they had for the hold music. Throughout the morning, I was on the phone to WINZ - They like Brooke Frazer for their hold music, Spark - who chose 60's boy bands for theirs and many other agencies to find out what I might be eligible for post surgery for help in looking after the Toddler (nothing really BTW as because I am going private, I don't qualify...)

Anyway... because I had spent most of the morning on the phone and on the odd moment making sure Toddler was fed, I not only forgot to feed myself and tidy the house  - I also forgot to keep an eye on the time. By the time I had finished my final phone call, I was running late for my Physio appointment.

I only had 10 minutes (if that) to get ready and leave. I quickly locked the house up, got dressed (yes, it was one of THOSE days) helped the Toddler put on his shoes and packed a bag full of toys to help keep them occupied while I was using the machines and doing my stretches.

I managed to get there in time, but it was raining and I had forgotten my raincoat - but never fear! I had the Toddler's ready for him.

Below is how we managed to put his rain coat on and what happened in my physio appointment, enjoy!

1. Pull up at the Physio's
2. Manage to park in the sole parking spare (score! It has been raining all day, and it's usually go another car in it)
3. Get out the car and set up pram
4. Realise that own raincoat is NOT in the boot of the car like you had thought
5. Decide to hurry and get inside as quickly as possible
6. Put Toddler in pram and pick up their rain coat to put on
7. A big down pour starts and it is a 2 minute walk inside
8. Flip the roof of the pram up and fling the hood of Toddlers face (like a coat rack) and take off at speed to get out of the rain
9. It takes about 2 minutes to get inside, but which time I am drenched
10. Walk in the door and flip roof of pram back to find Toddler with his rain coast still over his face!
11. Crack up laughing and take rain coat off
12. Toddler puts it back on over his face - we then start a game of peek a boo
13. Eventually Toddler tires of the game and wants to get out of the pram
14. Physio appointment begins
15. Open Toddler's toy bag and let him play with the items
16. Sit on exercise bike and this time manage to do 6 minutes (last time it was 3!)
17. While on the exercise bike, Toddler inspects every piece of equipment in the room
18. Toddler then wants a turn on the bike
19. Each piece of equipment I use from there on, Toddler then copies each action "My Turn!"
20. At the end while we sit down to discuss the plan post surgery, Toddler decides they are thirsty - they remember that they saw a water cooler in the waiting room
21. Toddler goes into the waiting room and pours water into a cup
22. Toddler sits quietly in a chair for a moment drinking the water then gets an idea
23. Toddler decides that both Mummy and the Physio need a drink too!
24. Toddler fills up two cups and gives one to each of us
25. Finish the appointment and strap Toddler into the pram to go home
26. While walking past the waiting room see that Toddler has emptied the WHOLE water cooler all over the table and floor... 
27. Point out mess to the Physio and offer to clean it up
28. Physio assures me that she has boys of her own, so she knows what it is like and I have enough on my plate
29. Feel somewhat guilty, but also relieved that I don't have to clean up the mess
30. Walk out the door into the rain again and have a giggle at Toddler putting his rain coat on again (Yup, over his head :-P)

How To: Find out you need to have Surgery

1. Have spinal surgery in 2015
2. Spend next 18 months or so with Leg pain down leg
3. Make constant visits to the GP to try to find out what is causing mysterious cramping and pain down left leg (but not the right)
4. Go for numerous amounts of scans, CT's and MRI's with not much luck (except a possible case of PCOS)
5. Get recommended to go on a Dairy and Gluten Free Diet by the GP
6. Stick to the GF diet, and slowly re introduce dairy into diet (still have less then what I was having before) 
7. Lose 15kg and feel a little bit better, but still have pain in leg
8. Continue to go to the GP with no luck
9. Finally remind GP that they said I had suspected PCOS and they refer me to a specialist
10. Rule out that it is PCOS
11. Look into back causing the pain - go to a pain specialist and physio
12. Have a scare at that time of the month - go to NEW GP and get referred to a specialist in Endomentriousis issues (since I have it in my history)
13. Go to the Specialist appointment, have a chat and an exam with scan
14. Specialist finds 2cm Endo Cyst on right ovary
15. Specialist thinks there may be more involved that is not showing on the scan
16. Specialist books in surgery for next Wednesday with 2 days in hospital, 3 week recovery period
17. Spend next few days organising health insurance and care for Toddler while in hospital
18. Look forward to the surgery being over and done with and hope that this will help with SOMETHING and improve pain and quality of life - so I can keep up with Toddler for once!

How To: Enjoy your first day at Kindy

1. Have a little bit of broken sleep - end up making pillow bed for Toddler on the floor next to own bed
2. Wake up and tell Toddler we need to get up and get ready as it's Kindy day today!
3. Give Toddler breakfast and have own breakfast
4. Trusty Grandpa looks after Toddler while I have a shower
5. Finish getting ready and get Toddler dressed
6. Give Toddler their bag and they chant/sing "Kindy! Kindly! Kindly!" all the way to the car and on the drive to Kindy
7. Get to Kindy, get Toddler out of the car
8. Toddler practically drags me to the Kindy door
9. Open Door for Toddler and Toddler runs in singing "Kindy! Kindy! Kindly!" (with his bag still on his back
10. Toddler runs up to a little girl, who is sitting on a chair and says "Kindy! Hi! Kindy!"
11. Take bag off Toddler and look for head teacher
12. Find head teacher and have a chat and tour of Kindy while Toddler zooms round and looks at everything
13. Fill out paperwork and hold back while teachers direct Toddler
14. Toddler and another kid start arguing over a toy, one of the teachers lets them sort it out between them for a little bit then goes to talk to them
15. On the way over, the teacher trips over a toy and falls on her knees
16. Teacher quickly composes herself and sorts out the two toddlers, helps them share the toy
17. Check to see if teacher is ok - she is - help her pick up the toys and continue to fill out paperwork 
18. Look up from forms in time to see Toddler running to the toilets holding a corn on the cob toy
19. Stand up and follow them... look through the window and watch as Toddler starts playing with the toilet (including putting their hand in the toilet bowl (ew!)
20. Teacher comes to stand beside me - ask teacher if I should sort him out or...?
21. Teacher reassures me she's got it
22. She walks in, asks Toddler if they need to go to the toilet 
23. Toddler says "Yes, Toilet" and continues to play with the toilet, cleaning it etc
24. Teacher gets the toilet seat sorted, helps Toddler pull down their pants and pops him onto the toilet
25. Try very hard not to piss self laughing - the look on Toddlers face is classic!
26. Toddler is sitting on the toilet looking confused on how he got there
27. Teacher helps other kid with the toilet, all the while Toddler is sitting there waiting patiently
28. Toddler doesn't go to the toilet, but waits for teacher to help him, then washes his hands and goes back to play (still don't know what he did with the corn cob...)
29. Finish filling in the paperwork and hand to the office lady
30. Have a chat with the head teacher and ask what she thinks I should do as Toddler seems quite content
31. Head teacher advises that I could stay or go out for a coffee and see how Toddler is after
32. Walk up to Toddler to ask how they are going
33. Toddler turns to me and says "Bye Mum! You go, I stay!"
34. Feel just a little bit unwanted and lost
35. Leave... and go next door for a coffee
36. Enjoy coffee and chocolate brownie - mull over unexpected free time... (was expecting to stay the whole time) 
37. Go home and head back to Kindy at 1pm (Toddler was there alone from 11.30-1pm)
38. While at home, do a spot of housework and have lunch
39. When at Kindy, ask head teacher how it went - he took a while to notice I was gone, but then self distracted after he realised I was gone. The only issue they had was with Mat time, as he wanted to play - they didn't stress the issue, so they gave him Monkey (who was in his bag) and let him play quietly.
40. When it's time to go home, Toddler doesn't want to leave! 
41. Decide to leave them alone for a little longer next week and see how it goes...

How To: Play in the sandpit

Yesterday we went to playgroup... Toddler has heaps of fun playing all over the place, but yesterday he was mainly focused on the sandpit...

1. Get to playgroup and release Toddler onto the playground
2. Toddler runs around for a bit then realises that the cover for the sandpit is getting removed
3. Toddler zooms over to the sandpit and starts playing with the sand
4. Teacher opened the shed with the sand pit toys
5. Toddler (along with three other kids) follow her in and help bring out the toys
6. Teacher brings out two ride on diggers, one of which Toddler instantly sits on and starts playing with
7. The other digger, a little girl plays with
8. Toddler plays with his digger for a little while, then wants to try the other digger
9. Intervene, as the little girl is still on there, remind Toddler that it's not his turn and that the little girl is still playing
10. Toddler says to little girl "Your Turn, ok?" points to the other digger and says "Me over there" and goes to play on the digger again, keeping an eye on the little girl
11. As soon as the little girl decides to play on something else, Toddler quickly jumps off his digger and yells "My Turn! My Turn!" and takes over the new one
12. Toddler spends most of the time in the sandpit for the rest of the playgroup
13. Tidy up time is called and one of the teachers collects the sandpit toys in a basket to put back into the shed
14. Toddler, oblivious to this has noticed other children leaving the sandpit area so manages to collect a spade for each hand and starts filling up a truck he's been playing with
15. Toddler decides to get sand from the other end of the sandpit and fills up his spades
16. While Toddler's back is turned, the teacher picks up his truck and puts it into the basket
17. Toddler walks back to where he had left the truck
18. Toddler stands and looks down at the empty sandpit 
19. Toddler looks so confused "Where's Truck? Truck Gone!"
20. Try not to laugh and point out to Toddler that it is home time and that the truck has gone back home
21. Toddler sighs and tips the sand out of his spades back into the sandpit 
22. Point out to Toddler where the basket is - Toddler puts the spades back
23. Tell Toddler to collect shoes (all the other kids are also putting their shoes on
24. Laugh along with the other parents as we watch the kids tip their shoes upside down to empty the sand out that someone had filled