How To: Pick a Flower

1. Toddler rides round on bike
2. Toddler rides bike up to lavender bush
3. Toddler picks a piece of lavender
4. Toddler gives flower to Mum " Here you go Mum, in hair"
5. Put flower in own hair
6. Toddler picks another flower - puts in his hair
7. Toddler says "Grandpa flower"
8. Toddler rides to another side of the lavender bush and picks a flower
9. "Flower stuck!"
10. Toddler pulls some more (grunting with the effort)
11. "Flower stuck Mum!"
12. Walk towards Toddler to help pick "stuck" flower (must be attached at the root)
13. Toddler still pulling when suddenly... 
14. Flower comes loose in Toddlers hand and Toddler flies backwards over his bike - landing on his tummy, facing the opposite direction!
15. Toddler lying on ground with his hands up in the air "Oh Dear! I'm ok, Alright" (crying a little in shock)
16. Try not to giggle and come to Toddler "Yes, you're ok - you're alright" 
17. Pick Toddler up and give a hug
18. Toddler hops back on bike and rides away (forgetting about Grandpa's flower)

How To: Get the desired result (with the snap of your fingers)

1. Decide to take a different approach then the previous night for getting Toddler to bed
2. Let Toddler know that they can stay up a little later if they sit down quietly with Mummy for cuddles
3. Toddler happy to oblige
4. Collect clean nappy and PJ's from bedroom and tell Toddler we're getting changed in the lounge
5. Toddler walks into bedroom and comes out with change mat
6. Toddler puts change mat down in front of Mummy and lies down with his legs up
7. Change Toddler into new nappy and PJ's
8. Make bottle
9. Toddler drinks half and then snuggles in
10. Put bottle aside and gaze into Toddlers eyes
11. Smile at Toddler
12. Toddler smiles back
13. *Snap fingers*
14. Toddler closes eyes and falls asleep (I kid you not!)
15. Look down at Toddler in disbelief
16. Cuddle Toddler for a little longer then transfer them into their bed (Toddler does not wake up during this time)
17. Spend the rest of the night thinking perhaps you've developed magical powers over night and now have the super powers to make children fall asleep with the click of your fingers
18. Fantasise  about possibly turning this into a profitable venture...
19. Brainstorm business names "Super Snapper" "Snapping Mummy" "Clickety Clack"
20. Realise that the names sound like you are either a large fish, an angry Mum or a traveling train... 
21. Decide against starting a business up for this one time fluke (until at least you've tested it out with a little more practice)

How To: Have a Toddler "Shh" You

1. Toddler goes into bedroom
2. Hear Toddler giggling then quiet
3. Go to investigate why Toddler is quiet
4. Find Toddler has climbed up onto window sill looking outside
5. Clear throat while walking towards Toddler (don't want to startle them off the sill)
6. Toddler ignores you
7. Clap hands
8. Toddler looks at you and put his finger to his lips "Shh"
9. Toddler turns back to window and continues to look outside
10. Crack up laughing and take Toddler off window sill
11. Remind Toddler we don't climb or stand on the window sill
12. Spend rest of day thinking about ways to discourage Toddler from climbing certain things

How To: Wash a Thomas Cover

1. Change Toddlers bed
2. Wash Thomas cover and sheets
3. Hang up Thomas cover
4. Toddler notices 
5. Toddler says "Hey! My Thomas! Bed!"
6. Toddler starts tugging on Thomas cover
7. Explain to Toddler that it needs to dry first and that they have their "Yellow Car" cover on the bed now and their monkey sheets too
8. Toddler nods "Monkey Sheets, Yellow car!"
9. Pick up pegs and start picking up sheets to hang up
10. Toddler grabs corner of Thomas cover and starts running with it
11. Stand under washing line watching Toddler spin the line round buy pulling Thomas cover
12. Duck each time pillow cases try to smack into your head (to Toddlers delight)
13. Tell Toddler to leave Thomas cover alone
14. Toddler says "Thomas Dry Mum! Woo Woooo" (train sounds)
15. Crack up laughing and get smacked in face with wet pillow cases... 
16. Continue trying to hang washing up while Toddler is trying to get the Thomas cover "dry"

How To: Be absentminded when you're overtired...

This is a collection of the really silly things that I have done while being very tired from a rough night with the Toddler... more to be added as the absentmindedness occurs in future...

1. Put cold water into my coffee (thinking I had boiled the jug, I had not)
2. Forgot to put coffee in my cup and after putting the hot water and milk in I discovered that I had made "sugar water"
3. Put my wheat bag into the fridge - instead of the microwave
4. Put Toddler's nappy on backwards
5. Poured my thyroid meds into the sink instead of my glass of water
6. Cracked pepper into a frypan instead of putting oil into it
7. Taken a sip out of my cup, but forgot open mouth - resulting in cold coffee being poured over my face and front of my top... 
8. See a post on FB of someone asking for you to supply ideas for a name for their new baby... look later in the day when more awake and realise that it wasn't their baby in the picture they wanted a name for (who, BTW looks to be 1 years old!) but the kitten sleeping next to them! Oops! (Oh well, at least the name "Thayet" will work for a cat too)

How To: Get a Toddler to wear pants

1. Tell Toddler we are going to his favourite cafe with the little house
2. Toddler gets excited
3. Tell Toddler he has to change out of his Pj's before we leave the house
4. Toddler agrees
5. Tell Toddler we need to change his nappy
6. Toddler disagrees... (he needs his nappy changed)
7. Set everything up - nappy and clean clothes for the day
8. Strip Toddlers PJ's off
9. Change Toddlers Nappy
10. Toddler runs away
11. Call Toddler back
12. Toddler refuses
13. Remind Toddler they need to be dressed to go out
14. Toddler still playing around
15. Pick up book and go into the lounge (not worth getting wound up about it)
16. Sit down on couch and read book
17. 10 minutes later Toddler comes into lounge "Go out?"
18. Peer over book and ask them if they are ready to get dressed now?
19. To answer question, Toddler runs back to bedroom calling "Come on!"
20. Close book and follow Toddler into bedroom
21. Manage to put a t-shirt on Toddler
22. Toddler wants to play around again
23. Walk back into lounge, sit down and read book
24. Toddler come into lounge 10 minutes later "go out?"
25. Remind Toddler they need to have pants on to go out
26. Toddler runs back to bedroom singing "Pants on! Pants on! Pants on!"
27. Follow Toddler and attempt to put pants on
28. Toddler kicks out
29. Put pants down on the bed and walk out of bedroom
30. Go sit down in lounge and read book
31. Toddler follows holding pants looking confused
32. "Pants on Mummy?"
33. Put book down, take pants off Toddler and hold out for them to step into 
34. Toddler steps into pants and runs away again
35. Go into bedroom and collect jumper for Toddler
36. Walk back into lounge with jumper and sit down on couch
37. Call Toddler into lounge to put jumper on
38. Toddler still playing
39. Pick up book and start reading
40. Hubby come into lounge (he's off work sick)
41. Picks Toddler up and sits on his knee
42. I put book down and put jumper on Toddler
43. Toddler goes and puts gumboots on
44. Thank Toddler for putting gumboots on without being asked
45. Hop into car and leave (thinking this is the way to dress Toddler from now on - less stress and I get to read a book!)

How To: Make a Toasted Sandwich (according to the Toddler)

1. Toddler goes into pantry while Mummy is having a morning coffee 
2. Bangs around in there for a bit
3. Toddler comes out with Toasted Sandwich maker in hands
4. Mummy follows Toddler into lounge
5. Toddler walks over to toy truck and places toasted sandwich maker on back of the truck
6. Toddler stands over the toasted sandwich maker with hands on hips
7. Mummy asks Toddler what they are doing
8. Toddler picks cord up and points to the power point "In there - I'm cooking!"
9. Take toasted sandwich maker off Toddler and put back in pantry on a higher shelf 
10. Tell Toddler we'll have toasted sandwiches for lunch later and that only Mummy and Daddy can use the toasted sandwich maker
11. Toddler satisfied with this, nods and goes and plays with toys until lunchtime
12. Lunch time come around and Toddler doesn't want a toasted sandwich for lunch - has cheese, mandarin and a musley bar instead

How To: Party it up with the Toddler until 4am

1. Put Toddler to bed at 7.30pm
2. Make Ham and Cheese Bagel for own dinner
3. Eat Bagel
4. Toddler wakes up at 8.30pm
5. Attempt to put Toddler back to bed
6. At 11pm tell Toddler that they can get up ONLY if they help clean up the mess in the kitchen and lounge
7. Toddler happily agrees and gets up
8. Sit on Toddlers bed for a moment trying to decide if this is a good idea or a bad idea
9. Sigh and follow Toddler into kitchen
10. Toddler has collected cat food container and is putting the cat food pile back into it (good idea...?)
11. Collect brush and shovel and help Toddler put the cat food away
12. When cat food away Toddler helps collect flash cards off pile on the floor (good idea...)
13. Flash cards now picked up - time to fold the washing
14. Three baskets full of washing need to be folded and put away
15. Toddler starts playing with toys (be happy with this as they are in the corner playing quietly)
16. Fold first basket - put clothes away
17. Fold Second basket - put odd socks on a chair to sort out when folding third basket
18. Put clothes away 
19. Come back to lounge to find Toddler on chair that has odd socks and is naked
20. Laugh and pick Toddler up - Tell them that they need to be wearing their pjs 
21. Upon picking Toddler up discover that the whole chair and socks are wet... 
22. Realise that Toddler stripped off clean nappy and peed on the chair (bad idea...)
23. Feel torn between telling Toddler off for peeing on the chair and telling him accidents are ok
24. End up telling Toddler "Accidents are ok, but this is just being silly"
25. Put fresh nappy and pjs on Toddler
26. Collect peed on socks and put them into the washing machine
27. Mop up pee on the chair (it's leather, so easier to clean)
28. Fold up washing from third basket - put odd socks in hot-water cupboard to wait for when matching peed on socks have been washed
29. Come back to lounge to spot Toddler carrying freshly folded and clean underwear into the laundry 
30. Catch up with Toddler just as they put the clean underwear into the washing machine (on top of the peed on socks)
31. Stand there staring at Toddler and washing machine with eyes wide open realising that perhaps should have persevered with putting Toddler back to bed, because at least you'd have some clean undies...
32. Toddler smiles and says "I help!" 
33. Sigh and thank Toddler for "Helping" but explain to them that the undies were dry and clean and needed to be put away - not back into the washing machine
34. Toddler then tries to take undies out of washing machine to put away
35. Realise mistake - explain to Toddler that now they are in the washing machine, they need to be washed again
36. Toddler wants to turn the washing machine on
37. Ask Toddler to get his washing basket from his room (might as well do a full load)
38. Put washing in machine and pick Toddler up
39. Toddler want's monkey to turn the machine on
40. Put Toddler down to collect monkey
41. Pick Toddler up with monkey and show monkey what buttons to push
42. Monkey turns on the washing machine
43. Go back out to lounge and sit down for a cuddle with Toddler and monkey - hoping that Toddler might want to fall asleep
44. After a little cuddle, Toddler wants to get down and play with his Toys more and run around the house and jump around 
45. It is now 1am and Mummy is really tired and wants to go to bed...
46. Pull out computer and have a check on FB to let Toddler run off some steam
47. Wonderful Granny is online - have a chat with her (It's 11pm where she is)
48. Come up with idea - ask Wonderful Granny to tell Toddler to go to bed 
49. Video chat Wonderful Granny for a bit, Toddler finally looking sleepy - Wonderful Granny tells Toddler to go to bed
50. Say goodnight to Wonderful Granny and attempt to put Toddler back to bed 
51. Toddler not interested and wants to play with Toys again
52. Sit down in lounge until 3.30am reading a book while Toddler plays with toys
53. Toddler grabs monkey and starts to suck thumb
54. Make bottle and take Toddler to bed
55. Read three books and sing/yawn out a few songs
56. Toddler finishes bottle and gets out of bed
57. Sit on Toddlers bed and watch him walk outside the bedroom door
58. Follow Toddler into own bedroom
59. Toddler jumps up onto bed and falls asleep on Hubby's side of bed (he was out of town for work)
60. Stand there looking at sleeping Toddler too tired to even think about trying to put him back in his own bed
61. Turn off the lights and close the hallway doors (so if Toddler wakes up before you, they can't get up to mischief in the now clean lounge and kitchen)
62. Fall asleep just after 4am

Next day:

1. Wake at 8.30am (WHY????)
2. Decide to get up and have breakfast before waking Toddler up (need to keep them in some form of a routine)
3. Finish breakfast and second coffee when Toddler wakes up crying
4. Walk into bedroom 
5. Find that Toddler has woken up with a rash and a high temp (well, that explains the unsettled night before!)
6. Check rash to make sure it blanches (it does, so not too serious)
7. Give Toddler pamol - ring Dental Nurse and reschedule Toddler's 1st Dental appointment
8. Call Dr. and book appointment - only one available is in the afternoon
9. Look at Toddler and retake temp - it has gone down a little bit, so should be fine until the afternoon
10. Try to give Toddler breakfast
11. Toddler will only eat a musley bar and have a bottle
12. Put Fireman Sam on for Toddler while getting dressed
13. Phone rings - it's one of the specialist from the day before
14. Check on Toddler - Toddler happy watching Fireman Sam
15. Start talking to specialist about own health
16. Hear Toddler cough and sneeze
17. Check on Toddler
18. Toddler has now thrown up on self
19. Tell specialist need to go to help Toddler
20. Clean Toddler up (thankfully the vomit is only on pjs and not the couch - miraculously monkey has come out unscathed)
21. Put Toddler in jeans and button up shirt (for easy cleaning incase he's sick again)
22. Toddler wants to watch more Fireman Sam
23. Put new DVD on, give Toddler water to drink
24. Call specialist back and finish conversation
25. Trusty Grandpa come home
26. Toddler now full of energy - if no rash, wouldn't have thought they were sick
27. Toddler runs outside and hangs out with Grandpa
28. Comes inside and eats fruit salad for lunch (and keeps it down!)
29. Give Toddler another dose of pamol (temp is starting to rise again - it's at 38*C) 
30. Take Toddler to Dr's 
31. Dr's is running late
32. Toddler doesn't want to play with toys, only sit on knee and drink water
33. Toddler really starting to burn up
34. Ask receptionist for a cool cloth or something to cool Toddler down (already stripped off a few clothes)
35. Receptionist takes us to nurse who takes down details and checks Toddlers Temp (39*C)
36. Dr comes in ask's if Toddler getting a shot (eh?)
37. Take Toddler into Dr's office for actual appointment
38. Dr checks him over - confirms that the rash blanches, checks ears, they are ok
39. Dr checks temp (40*C)
40. Dr tells to keep eye on Toddler and keep fluids up (normal stuff - if temp doesn't go down after more pamol and ibuprofen then take to A&E) 
41. Dr sends us home with notes incase Toddler gets worse 
42. Get home, give Toddler pamol and ibuprofen 
43. Put Toddler to bed with cool cloth on forehead 
44. Daddy now home, so he's on Toddler watch while Mummy heads to bed for own nap
45. Spend next two days looking after sick Toddler who goes from one extreme to the next (high temp and cuddly then normal temp and bouncing round the house) 

How To: Make a Ham and Cheese Bagel

1. Get woken up by Toddler pulling blankets off at 6am "Up Mum! Bottle Please!"
2. Sit up and have dressing gown handed to you by Toddler
3. Open bedroom door and have Toddler rush past singing "Bottle!Bottle!Bottle!" 
4. Stumble after Toddler thinking in head "I'm so going to pay you back like this when you're a teenager..."
5. Get to kitchen and switch on jug as you pass
6. Toddler already got bottle out of bottler drawer
7. Fill bottle up with milk and put in microwave
8. Toddler grizzles - they wanted to push the buttons
9. Stop microwave and let Toddler push buttons to start it up again
10. Start making coffee
11. Bottle is ready - hand to Toddler, who rushes off to the lounge shouting "Sam! Sam! Sam!" 
12. Finish making coffee and start making breakfast for self and Toddler
13. Walk into lounge to find Toddler trying to turn TV on (Haha! Success! - no Fireman Sam this morning)
14. Put Toddler in high chair and give breakfast (Banana cheerios with banana and pear yoghurt) 
15. Sit down in a seat next to them and have own breakfast (Vogels GF Fruit Bread)
16. Spend breakfast having a chat with Toddler on what is to be done that day
17. Finish breakfast and clean up Toddler
18. Go have shower with Toddler playing with bath toys at feet
19. Get dressed and put a load of washing on
20. Do the breakfast dishes
21. Fold the washing from washing basket and put in neat piles on the coffee table to put away later
22. Hang up next load of washing while Toddler plays with ball and pegs
23. Congratulate Toddler on being able to open pegs with fingers (been using his mouth until now)
24. Finish hanging washing, lock the house up and leave for Dr's appointment
25. Get to Dr's and wait for a little bit in the waiting room - Toddler does a funky thing in nappy
26. Decide to change nappy before going into see the Dr
27. Change nappy and alert receptionist that you put nappy in the toilet rubbish bin (So that she is aware it might smell and be able to change the bin if she wants to)
28. Be informed that I have to get it out and take it home with me (Didn't know that rule, as seen other people put smelly nappies in the bin in there... so must be a new one...they need to put up a sign...)
29. Get called into Dr's office - let receptionist know that nappy will be sorted after the appointment
30. Have Dr's appointment for CT results - Good news and Bad News - Good news is: NOTHING was shown up, the bad news: NOTHING has shown up. (WHYWHYWHYWHY???!!!!) 
31. Insist to Dr the pain in leg and stomach MUST be something
32. Dr agrees - refers to a few specialists ($350 per visit)
33. Inform Dr that specialists need to be associated with health insurance company as can not afford $1,150 at the moment to see three different specialist
34. Dr suggest also looking into alternative health care
35. Leave Dr's office armed with list of specialist to call and a suggested naturopath 
36. Pay at reception, retrieve plastic bag off receptionist - fetch Toddlers nappy out of the rubbish bin (ew)
37. Put nappy in boot of car (use hand sanitiser) 
38. Go to chemist and get scripts
39. Go coffee shop for lunch
40. Got to Post office
41. Go to local $1 $2 $3 shop
42. Buy a couple of things for the kitchen to help organise it better and a few things to do with the Toddler (New thick nib colouring pens, flash cards, Play dough and stickers)
43. Get home, put nappy out of boot in rubbish bin (use hand sanitiser)  and put Toddler in high chair with play dough to keep them busy while on the phone to specialists and health insurance company
44. Specialists are closed for the day - so leave a messages with them all
45. Call naturopath - leave message on answer phone
46. Step in play dough that Toddler has thrown on the floor
47. Pack play dough away and give Toddler flash cards to play with
48. Call health insurance company to find out what specialist they will help pay for
49. While on hold Toddler throws flash cards on the floor
50. Leave flash cards on floor to pick up later
51. Give Toddler coloured pens and paper
52. Toddler colours in for a while and then starts to bite off the nibs of pens
53. Say "Out of your mouth, Don't EAT it!" at the same time insurance takes you off hold
54. Greet cheerful person at other end of the phone and ask them to hold on for a moment while removing pens off Toddler (put pens on bench to clean up later) 
55. Take Toddler out of high chair in ask them to play with toys while Mummy is on the phone
56. Start talking to cheerful person on other end of the phone 
57. Get put on hold while they check something
58. Check on Toddler while on hold
59. Toddler has cleared the coffee table of the clean folded washing (now on the floor in a mixed up heap) and is now zooming his cars off the edge
60. Roll eyes and decide to deal with it later
61. Cheerful person at other end of the line comes back and tells more details about cover etc
62. Ask a few more questions and get put back on hold while it's being checked
63. Toddler now in pantry rummaging around
64. Collect Toddler and close pantry door
65. Now off hold and talking to cheerful person
66. Toddler back in pantry knocks cans onto foot - start crying "Ouch! Foot! OUCH!"
67. Tell cheerful person need to check Toddler and will call back later
68. Check on Toddler, give hugs and kiss foot - no bruises, but put "Monkey Cream" on to help them feel better 
69. Ring back health insurance company and get cheerful person again (sigh in relief that no need to repeat self) 
70. Toddler in pantry again, but can't stop them as trying to listen to most important information of call
71. Hear something like pebbles falling on the floor - turn to find Toddler pouring entire contents of cat food container on floor
72. Quickly tell Toddler off and apologise to cheerful understanding person on other end of the phone
73. Finish health insurance call and hang up
74. Start to clean up different messes - naturopath calls
75. Enquire about prices - $150 for first consolation, $75 for all others AND $500 for testing (PLUS the cost of unsubsidised medicine that may be prescribed) 
76. Thank them and give a crazy laugh when they ask when is the booking required for...
77. Choke out a "Thank you, I will call when I've checked my diary" 
78. Hang up and stare at phone, trying to think of where on earth the money is to come from for various specialist bills etc
79. Get an idea
80. Call back health insurance company - this time put Cars on for Toddler to watch (keeps him out of mischief this time)
81. Chat on phone and be informed that NO, insurance will not pay for naturopath as they are not a recognised medicine, and also after further investigation, some of the specialist fees may not be coved as need to contact ACC to see what they will pay for, as they covered previous surgeries in this area...
82. Pull phone away from ear (Oh cheerful person, there was so much hope for you!)
83. Thank cheerful person and hang up - decide to tackle ACC another day - and to leave naturopath for when lotto is won
84. Have a look round the house at the mess and decide to leave for after Toddler is in bed
85. Sit down on couch and have a bit of a cry - need to release stress of phone calls etc
86. Toddler comes up and sits on knee "You alright? You alright? You alright Mum?" 
87. Give Toddler a cuddle and kiss and say "I'm ok, I just needed a little cry - sometimes that's what Mummy needs to do"
88. Toddler gives kiss and hops down "You ok?"
89. Give Toddler smile "I'm ok, Thank you Buddy" 
90. Sigh and smile at the reminder that you've done good with the Toddler
91. Wonderful Mother-in-law calls then - have a chat with about Dr's visit, Toddlers mess and the insurance calls
92. Best Friend calls (who lives 6 hours away) have another chat and catch up with her
93. While on phone make Spaghetti on toast for Toddlers dinner - feed Toddler
94. In-between chatting to best friend, talk to Toddler to include them - Toddler enjoying their dinner
95. Finish phone call and clean up Toddler
96. Put Toddler in bath
97. Dress Toddler in PJ's and put to bed
98. Come back out into lounge and decide to light the fire
99. Fire is finally lit after 3 attempts, a cut finger and a box of matches thrown in fireplace in frustration
100. Walk into kitchen and find Cat sitting on pile of cat food eating their dinner
101. Decide to leave them to it while you make Ham and Cheese bagel for own dinner - with Kapiti Havati Buttery Cheese, Shaved Ham, Bestfoods Mayo and Anathoth Farm Tomato Relish 
102. Sit down next to fire with Ham and Cheese Bagel for a few minutes break before tackling the washing, flash cards, cat food pile, pens and dishes. 

How To: Miss the opportunity to clean up the house without Toddlers "Help"

1. Eat a Ham and Cheese Bagel.
2. Toddler wakes up.
3. Opportunity to clean house alone gone.

How To: Book a dentist appointment for Toddler

1. Enrol Toddler at birth for national free dental service
2. Be advised that a copy of the birth certificate is needed
3. Send in copy of birth certificate
4. Be advised that contact will be made for first appointment when Toddler is one year of age
5. First Birthday comes and goes
6. At 18 months ring up free dental service to find out when and where Toddler's first appointment is
7. Be advised that copy of birth certificate was not received 
8. Remind them of the date it was sent in
9. Have it confirmed that they do not have the birth certificate
10. Obtain address again to send certificate to
11. Go out and take photocopy of birth certificate
12. Lose original
13. Send copy of birth certificate to free dental service (AGAIN)
14. Ring up a week later to confirm they have received it
15. Get confirmation over the phone
16. Request confirmation in writing
17. Receive confirmation in writing
18. Be advised that by Toddler's 2nd Birthday, will be called for an appointment
19. Ask if an appointment can be made now
20. Be advised that it can not be made as the right branch needs to call you up
21. Toddlers 2nd Birthday comes and goes
22. Ring up free dental service for the hurry along
23. Be advised someone will call in the next week or two
24. Time frame has now passed
25. Call up to make booking
26. Say Toddlers name - person on other end thinks you said "Chris" (instead of MAX)
27. Spell out Toddlers name
28. Tell person Toddlers last name - say the usual phrase for last name (most people get it... With an "E")
29. Person at other end ask you to spell it out
30. Spell it out using proper phonetic alphabet
31. Person at other end thinks the name starts with "K" (it DOES NOT!)
32. Finally get the right name through
33. Be advised that Toddler's name is not in the system (scream profanities in head)
34. Aloud, state that you have received written confirmation that Toddler was enrolled
35. Tell person on the other end Toddler's NHS number for them to check again
36. Person at other end says "OH, so it's Max ..... with an 'E' "
37. Bang phone against head and let out breath
38. Confirm with person on other end of the line that is correct
39. Find that the only appointment available is next week early in the morning
40. Confirm that it is fine (Gees, it wasn't THAT early - 8.45am)
41. Confirm Toddlers birthdate
42. Person on other end of the phone rattles off own address
43. Confirm that the address is correct
44. Person on other end of the phone  advises that because of where the address is, Toddler has to go to another dentist location and that an appointment will need to be booked with that branch
45. Pull phone away from ear (thinking more profanities) and stare at it in disbelief
46. Take deep breaths and ask to be transferred to that branch
47. Be advised that the person can not do that 
48. Take more breaths and think more profanities
49. Ask person on other end of the phone for the number of the correct branch Toddler can be booked into (Through clenched teeth)
50. Person give number and advises that because it is close to 4pm, they may not answer (called this branch at 3pm)
51. Curtly thank person on the other end of the line and hang up
52. Calm self down, check time (3.50pm)
53. Decide to try one more time
54. Ring correct branch and have a Lovely Lady answer
55. Calmly explain to Lovely Lady that Toddler was enrolled at birth, and now that he is 2, he needs his first appointment, and can we please book it for next week if an appointment is available...
56. Lovely Lady asks for NHS number
57. Give Lovely Lady NHS number and hold breath
58. Lovely Lady taps away on the computer "I have an appointment available next week in the afternoon"
59. Release breath and confirm that time is perfect
60. Lovely Lady confirms Date, Time and Address of appointment
61. Thank Lovely Lady with a smile and hang up
62. Make self a cup of well deserved tea and sit down for cuddles with the Toddler.

How To: Cook dinner with the help of a Toddler

1. Tell Toddler it's time to cook dinner
2. Toddler says "I help?"
3. Smile and say "Oh! Yes please thank you for offering"
4. Toddler smiles and opens pantry door
5. Tell Toddler we need three potato
6. Toddler opens potato bin and counts the potatoes out
7. Toddler closes bin and pantry doors
8. Take potatoes to bench, get out two vegetable peelers (one for you and one for Toddler)
9. Toddler pulls out step ladder
10. Help Toddler open step ladder
11. Toddler climbs up and selects their vegetable peeler
12. Give Toddler a potato to "peel" while you peel the other two
13. Give Toddler the two potatoes you've peeled to wash under the tap while you peel the last one
14. Have last potato to Toddler to wash
15. Put steamer on floor and ask Toddler to put frozen peas into it, while you cut up the potatoes
16. Toddler happily opens freezer door, selects frozen peas and attempts to pour into steamer
17. Only a few peas fall out into the pot (peas are frozen into a large clump)
18. Toddler says "Peas Stuck"
19. Stop cutting potatoes and show Toddler how to bang bag of peas on floor to help break them up
20. Toddler happily bangs the pea bag on the floor until they can be poured into the steamer
21. Toddler pours peas into steamer and nods head
22. Toddler says "All done Mum, Peas"
23. Tell Toddler "Well done" and ask them to put the peas away
24. Toddler stands there and starts eating the peas out of the bag
25. Remind Toddler to put the peas away
26. Toddler puts the peas away and lifts up steamer
27. Take steamer off Toddler and put on stove
28. Toddler opens his drawer and pulls out snack container
29. Toddler then proceeds to fill container up with peas he poured out, but didn't make it into the pot
30. Toddler eats his little snack and puts in lounge for later
31. Toddler comes back up step ladder and helps put potatoes into pot
32. Fill pot with water and put on stove - turn on
33. Pull out defrosted chicken - give Toddler tongs
34. Help Toddler move chicken out of bag onto oven rack
35. Put chicken into preheated oven
36. Send Toddler into lounge until dinner is ready
37. Hubby comes home asks what's for dinner
38. Tell him chicken and vegetables
39. Toddler runs into kitchen with a grin and says "I help"
40. Share smile with Hubby before he takes Toddler back into lounge to listen to Toddler tell him how he cooked dinner

How To: Have a CT Scan

1. Feed Toddler breakfast
2. Start to make self breakfast and then realise that it is too late to eat (have to be nil by mouth 4 hours before CT scan)
3. Abandon breakfast and watch Toddler eat theirs while talking to them about the day planned
4. Do some chores around the house until Trusty Grandpa comes home to give a lift to the hospital
5. Drink dye solution provided for CT Scan
6. Start to feel really ill
7. Ring CT place to question what can be taken to feel better
8. Be advised to not drink the next two doses of dye solution - nothing else can be taken until after CT
9. Check the time and quickly sort Toddlers lunch
10. Get in the car and leave for the CT scan
11. Arrive at the CT place and be advised that CT Machine is broken, so must go next door to the main hospital for CT (Trusty Grandpa has taken Toddler for a walk while this is being done)
12. Get to reception and hand over paperwork
13. Realise that referral form was left at home
14. Sign copy of referral form and obtain address to send master copy to
15. Sit down in waiting room looking at cool painting of butterflies - snap a picture to research artist later
16. Get called up by technician - get told to remove any clothes with metal pieces and jewellery and shown to a room with basket and robe
17. Put phone on silent, strip off clothes and put on robe
18. Spend 5 minutes looking for robes ties
19. Realise that it is a fancy robe that has ties sewn into it - collect ties and do robe up
20. Step out of changing room and walk into CT room
21. Be greeted by Head Technician 
22. Answer questions relating to CT scan
23. Be advised that because dye was not drunk, need to have a line in the vein to administer dye for the scan
24. Stand on scales to know what dosage is needed for dye
25. Be presently surprised to find that since last time being weighed, 15kgs has been lost!
26. Lie down on bed for CT scan put arm out for drip to be put in
27. Be warned about side effects of dye and sensations that may occur
28. Have first two scans without dye
29. Have dye put into drip
30. Feel dye go through body
31. Take deep breaths
32. Realise in horror that it feels like you have wet the bed
33. Take more deep breaths and remember that "sensation of wetting oneself" is apart of the side effect list
34. Hope that you're not one of the 1 in 1,000,000,000 that has actually "wet oneself"
35. Next scan is done - feel tightening and heat in chest (another possible side effect)
36. Feel happy that there is no metallic taste in mouth (yet another side effect)
37. Finish scan and confirm that no bed wetting has occurred (phew!)
38. Be informed to stay lying down for 10 minutes to ensure that there is no bad reaction to the dye
39. While waiting for 10 minutes start having panic attack and a quiet cry
40. Calm self down and by time technician comes back - everything fine and dandy (can just put it down to making oneself calm in machine, and needing a release of built up emotions)
41. Sit up and feel a little dizzy take time getting down off bed
42. Get changed and go to hospital cafe for something to eat as now starving (stop and lean against wall on the way to wait out dizzy spells)
43. Get to cafe and find only GF food is a bland carrot and kumera salad (of course it is the most expensive)
44. Order salad to take away
45. Get back to car to find Trusty Grandpa in passenger seat and Toddler "Driving"
46. Say hi to both and sit down to eat 2pm brunch - with Toddler sampling carrots and kumera

How To: Teach your Toddler fine motor skills with the items in your craft drawer

1. Wake up with a screaming cramp in left leg
2. Lie in bed panting and trying to take deep breaths until the pain subsides
3. Toddler comes in "Hi Mum! Ok?"
4. Smile through the pain and pat Toddler on the head
5. Toddler wants to get up into the bed 
6. Turn over to pick Toddler up
7. Leg cramps back up again
8. Deep Breaths
9. Tell Toddler "Mummy can't right now, my leg is sore"
10. Spot Russian Doll on bedside table - hand to Toddler to play with (Fine motor skills activity #1)
11. Toddler happily sits down and plays with Russian Doll - keeps Toddler occupied for 10 minutes
12. Cramp finally subsides - roll over on right side to get out of bed
13. Leg cramps up AGAIN
14. Toddler finished playing with Russian Doll stands up and walks to corner of bedroom
15. Comes back with phone "Phone mum!"
16. Thank Toddler for good thinking and put phone aside (no point in calling anyone, it's not something I can be helped with - just got to ride the pain out)
17. Lie back and take more deep breaths silently hoping that the CT scan booked later for the day will actually show what is causing this "cramping")
18. Toddler gets into ribbon drawer 
19. Lie in bed taking deep breaths while seeing colourful ribbons flying in the air and listening to Toddler squealing in glee
20. Toddler opens next craft drawer ask Toddler to come to the bed
21. Toddler brings bag of coloured pegs and popsicle sticks
22. Open bag and show Toddler how to peg the matching colours onto each other (Fine motor skills activity #2) 
23. Toddler happily obliges - keeps Toddler occupied for 20 minutes
24. Cramp in leg finally subsides enough to sit up
25. Toddler pulls blankets aside "Up Mum!"
26. Put Feet out of bed and onto the floor
27. Leg cramps up again
28. "Up Mum" Toddler jumping up and down
29. Nod to Toddler and breathe through the pain 
30. Point to different craft drawer and ask Toddler to open it and bring a jar out
31. Toddler opens drawer and pulls out jar with heart shaped paper clips 
32. Open jar to Toddlers excitement (Mum never lets him play with the craft drawers - currently in process of organising things we can use together) 
33. Show Toddler how to link the paper clips together (Fine motor skills activity #3)
34. Toddler takes a few goes to get the hang of it, but spends next 30 minutes playing with paper clips
35. During this time, slowly stand up and hobble to the end of the bed
36. Step round Toddler and make way to bathroom with cold tiles
37. Stand and sigh in relief as cold tiles help relax the remaining cramp in leg
38. Walk back to bedroom to find Toddler has emptied more craft drawers and contents scattered through out room (Don't tell them off as technically you gave them permission to go in the drawers) 
39. Ask Toddler if they want breakfast 
40. Toddler jumps up and down "BREAKFAST!" (be happy that they weren't wanting it before now)
41. Take one more look at the mess in the room, close the door and decide to leave it to clean up later when there is no threat of re-cramping (or Toddler to work around)

How To: Sort out the closet

1. Decide that today is the day for some spring cleaning 
2. Clear everything from that corner in front of the wardrobe
3. Dump it all onto the bed to sort out
4. Toddler comes in wants to "Help"
5. Take Toddler outside to play and leave everything in the bedroom to sort out later
6. Trusty Grandpa offers to look after Toddler
7. Thank Trusty Grandpa and go back inside to sort things out
8. Sort stuff into piles
9. Put any clothes into the washing or away
10. Take photo's of things to sell on Trademe and to put on Frugal Mama
11. Bag items and put into the garage 
12. Toddler follows into the garage and knocks over fire extinguisher 
13. Freeze for a moment to check Toddler ok and extinguisher not going to explode or go off (used to work in insurance and OH! The photo's I remember!)
14. Confirm and sigh in relief that extinguisher is sound and Toddler fine
15. Usher Toddler out of the garage and lock door behind to keep Toddler out 
16. Toddler goes off and rides bike
17. Go back inside and continue to sort things out on bed
18. Break for dinner and bedtime routine
19. Hubby lies down with Toddler to help settle while I sort bottle out
20. Come back to find Hubby asleep and Toddler close to it
21. Toddler still wants bottle
22. Toddler downs bottle and is fast asleep alongside his Daddy
23. Get camera and take photo to capture special moment
24. Hubby wakes up after hearing camera go off
25. Go back into lounge and spend quality time with Hubby
26. Return to bedroom and finish sorting out items on bed - finally get into the wardrobe
27. Pull out clothes that are too big and don sit right
28. Open vacuum bags and start trying on pre-pregnancy clothes
29. Fashion show for Hubby ensues 
30. Feel pretty happy that some of my favourite clothes fit
31. Try on 7th form ball dress for giggles
32. Find that beside post pregnancy chest - it FITS!
33. Grin from ear to ear and go back to show Hubby
34. Get ready for bed
35. Hop into bed and go to sleep really happy for a job well done

How To: Keep a Toddler in their own bed

Have a nightly routine sorted that consists of:

1. Dinner approximately 5.30pm
2. Bathtime
3. Say goodnight to everyone
4. 3 books of Toddlers choice read - each read more quietly then the last
5. Tell them Goodnight Moon 
6. Turn light off at the "Goodnight Light" Part
7. Sing Alphabet through once
8. Recite the phonetics of the alphabet - different theme each week
9. Sing There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
10. If Toddler not asleep yet, sing The Flying Fortress and/or This old man 
11. Toddler usually in bed asleep by 7.30-8pm

Then, when Toddler is sick with a head cold - the routine goes out the window on some nights... but try to stick with routine as much as possible, however other nights will be like last night:

1. Have a fun filled day of adventures
2. Mummy's back is sore, so go to bed for a rest
3. Leave Toddler with Daddy
4. Get up and realise it's 6pm - well after normal dinner time
5. Go into lounge and find Hubby in lounge asleep on couch (He has long days starting at 5am - so is usually exhausted at this time of night)
6. No Toddler in sight
7. In own half-asleep state - wake Hubby up and ask where Toddler is
8. Toddler comes running into lounge holding wooden spoon "Here I am"
9. Walk into kitchen and find pantry doors open with pots and pans on the floor
10. Find Toddler at feet "I'm Cooking!"
11. Sigh in relief that Toddler must have just started cooking so there wasn't food everywhere...
12. Thank Toddler for starting dinner
13. Pick up pots and pans off the floor, put away ones not needed, set others on stove 
14. Cook Mac n Cheese for dinner - burning self with hot water splashes in the process
15. Eat dinner and notice Toddler struggling to stay awake
16. Finish dinner and clean up Toddler
17. Hubby carries Toddler to bed who's falling asleep in his arms
18. Toddler mumbles "Bottle"
19. Sort bottle out
20. Toddler drinks bottle and then is right out to it
21. Kiss Toddler goodnight and go out into the lounge to enjoy an evening of scrapbooking
22. Go to bed about midnight (as got lost in the craftiness of it all)
23. Get woken up by Toddler crying and coming into bedroom
24. Try put Toddler back to bed
25. Toddler points to bedroom door - wants to sleep in Mummy and Daddy's bed tonight
26. Tell Toddler they have to be quiet if they sleep in the big bed
27. Toddler is quiet and nods
28. Go back to bed with Toddler
29. Lie in bed waiting for Toddler to go to sleep
30. Once Toddler is asleep put back in own bed
31. Go back to own bed and start to drift off
32. Toddler wakes up again
33. Give Toddler bottle 
34. Toddler drinks bottle and goes to sleep
35. Take empty bottle to kitchen
36. Just get back into bed and Toddler wakes up
37. Go into Toddlers room 
38. Hop into bed with Toddler 
39. Go to sleep until 4am when woken by sore back
40. Get up take painkillers and go back to own bed
41. Hubby's alarm goes off - he leaves for work
42. Toddler wakes up as Hubby's car drives off
43. Put Toddler on Hubby's side of bed and both go back to sleep until 8am 

How To: Play with a Tunnel

1. Get Tunnel out for Toddler
2. Toddler Crawls through tunnel for a bit
3. Toddler then decides to take tunnel for a walk around the house
4. Toddler tries to park ride on toy truck in tunnel
5. Toddler takes koala toy into tunnel
6. Toddler crawls through tunnel and sticks head through hole "Hello Mum!"
7. Toddler wants Mum to play with tunnel
8. Play with Toddler and tunnel - peek-a-boo games etc
9. Lift up tunnel and call down to Toddler
10. Toddler tries climbing up tunnel
11. Put tunnel down
12. Toddler wants Mum to go through tunnel
13. Remind Toddler that is how the hole got made in the tunnel - from Mum AND Daddy playing with the tunnel...
14. Washing machine goes off - Toddler wants to put tunnel away
15. Toddler grabs bag for tunnel while Mum ties it up
16. One tie is on and Toddler wants to go through tunnel again
17. Finish tying up tunnel and put away in bag

How To: Draw on a Box

1. Toddler plays with box
2. Toddler wants to "Draw"
3. Get pens and move box with Toddler into kitchen (that way if Toddler colours outside of box, it's easier to clean up)
4. Toddler Draws on box 
5. Toddler finds circle holes in box
6. Toddler uses circles as a stencil to make black and purple circles on kitchen floor
7. Notice what Toddler is doing
8. Grab Jiff and wet cloth
9. start cleaning floor
10. Toddler walking away with black pen in hand
11. Call Toddler back "I know what you are thinking of doing... we don't draw on walls"
12. Toddler comes back
13. Realise pen is not coming off with the cloth - need a scrubbing brush
14. Fill bucket and collect two scrubbing brushes (Toddler wants to help too)
15. Scrub away at the marks on the floor while Toddler scrubs the rest of the kitchen floor
16. Collect scrubbing brush off Toddler and grab sponge mop
17. Use sponge mop to mop up Toddlers puddles
18. Put bucket, scrubbing brushes and mop away
19. Toddler now wants to play with Tunnel - See: "How to play with a Tunnel"

How To: Eat Cheese and Fold the Washing

1. Start the day by folding washing just after breakfast
2. Toddler pulls out cheese grater
3. Take cheese grater off Toddler and put away
4. Toddler says "Cheese!"
5. Get cheese out for Toddler
6. Start to grate cheese
7. Toddler says "NO!"
8. Get Cheese slice out of drawer
9. Have trouble slicing cheese - opt to cut with a knife instead
10. Toddler now happy to sit and eat the cheese
11. Continue folding washing
12. Toddler comes out with bottle of milk
13. Toddler says "I have milk"
14. Pour milk for Toddler
15. Put milk away
16. Continue folding washing
17. Hear clatter in kitchen
18. Go to investigate
19. Find Toddler with piece of cheese, trying to use grater
20. Take grater off Toddler
21. Grate pieces of cheese for Toddler
22. Toddler gets a mandarin out of the fridge
23. Peel tough skinned mandarin for Toddler
24. Continue to fold washing
25. Toddler goes into freezer - gets frozen peas out
26. Put frozen peas in bowl for Toddler to eat for snack and to "cook" with
27. Put peas away
28. Toddler sitting on kitchen floor playing with Paw Patrol Dozer
29. Uses dozer to push peas, cheese and mandarin pieces around in a game
30. Leave Toddler to it (can always clean up later after washing is folded)
31. Toddler wants Thomas book
32. Get book down for Toddler
33. Fold more washing
34. Empty hot-water cupboard
35. Toddler still reading Thomas book - take opportunity to go to the toilet alone as each time pages are turned, the book "Toots" and makes noise
36. While in toilet hear Tooting Thomas book suddenly stop
37. Quickly finish up and rush out to find Toddler in bedroom emptying drawers
38. Put clothes back in drawers
39. Next load of washing is finished
40. Empty washing machine and put next load on
41. Toddler pushes buttons
42. Toddler gets grater and colander out
43. Put them away
44. Toddler wants Thomas book put away
45. Put it away
46. Toddler makes a fuss
47. Ask Toddler to "Use your words"
48. Toddler still upset
49. Get Thomas book down
50. Toddler doesn't want Thomas book
51. Put Thomas book away
52. Lift Toddler up to point to what they want
53. Toddler pulls out Fireman Sam DVD
54. Tell Toddler "No Fireman Sam today" (trying to cut TV time down)
55. Toddler not happy about that
56. Distract toddler with stacking toy doll their Genial Aunty gave them
57. Continue to fold washing
58. Get Toddler out of freezer
59. Toddler is holding Bacon bits "I help"
60. Decide to have Mac n Cheese for dinner - so Toddler can help cook it later
61. Put bacon bits on bench to thaw out
62. Look at time (12.30pm) and ask Toddler if they want lunch
63. Toddler nods
64. Make lunch for Toddler - See: "How To: Make a Toddler's Lunch"
65. While Toddler finishing lunch, put next load of washing on
66. Toddler wants to push buttons
67. Clean up Toddler and let them push buttons
68. Toddler plays with toys
69. Continue to fold washing
70. Toddler sees pirate undies
71. Toddler takes pants off
72. Take Toddler to bedroom to take nappy off and put undies on
73. Toddler wants nappy instead
74. Put fresh nappy on
75. Continue to fold washing while Toddler reads book
76. Toddler says "Girl stuck"
77. Look at book and Toddler
78. Toddler says "Girl out?"
79. Take closer look at book (it's a "First words" Book, the girl in question is a picture of a girl posing for the word "Excited")
80. Explain to Toddler that the girl is part of the story
81. Toddler responds with "Girl stuck. GIRL OUT!" 
82. Explain to Toddler that girl lives in the book
83. "Girl stuck!"
84. Find picture of the girl's "Mum"
85. Explain to Toddler that the girl's Mum would be very sad if she left the book
86. Toddler nods
87. Toddler goes to play with his box and says "Bye Girl"
88. Shake head and continue folding washing
89. Toddler says "Draw!" 
90. Get pens out for Toddler to draw on his box - See:  "How to draw on a Box"
91. Continue folding washing
92. Toddler wants his tunnel out
93. Tell Toddler we need to clean up the pens first
94. Toddler happily helps clean up, collecting the lids for each pen
95. As each lid is put on Toddler tries to name each colour - if he doesn't know, he asks "What's that?"
96. Pens are now away - Thank Toddler for a job well done
97. Pull out tunnel
98. Continue folding washing while Toddler plays with Tunnel - See: "How to play with the Tunnel"
99. Washing machine goes off
100. Put Tunnel away (with Toddler's help)
101. Toddler want to wear monkey hat
102. Put monkey hat on Toddler
103. Take basket of washing out
104. Toddler wants to ride bike
105. Swap monkey hat for helmet
106. Toddler still wants monkey hat - sling it over the handles of bike
107. Look at time - it is now 2.30pm
108. Decide that it's probably best to have own lunch now (Toddler was fed before)
109. Grab rice crackers, and a drink for self (Toddler too) and sit outside for a break 
110. Toddler sits down too then gasps
111. Toddler runs inside singing "Milk Milk Milk"
112. Wait and watch Toddler coming out with container in his hands
113. Toddler sits down and puts container full of defrosted peas from before on picnic table
114. Toddler smiles and nods "PEAS!" 
115. Ask Toddler "What happened to the milk
116. Toddler shrugs and goes to ride his bike
117. Shrug back and put it down to Toddler's random magic trick (being able to turn milk into peas...)
118. Finish belated lunch, hang up washing, and go back inside to finish folding the washing (with Toddler in tow of course!)