How To: Book a dentist appointment for Toddler

1. Enrol Toddler at birth for national free dental service
2. Be advised that a copy of the birth certificate is needed
3. Send in copy of birth certificate
4. Be advised that contact will be made for first appointment when Toddler is one year of age
5. First Birthday comes and goes
6. At 18 months ring up free dental service to find out when and where Toddler's first appointment is
7. Be advised that copy of birth certificate was not received 
8. Remind them of the date it was sent in
9. Have it confirmed that they do not have the birth certificate
10. Obtain address again to send certificate to
11. Go out and take photocopy of birth certificate
12. Lose original
13. Send copy of birth certificate to free dental service (AGAIN)
14. Ring up a week later to confirm they have received it
15. Get confirmation over the phone
16. Request confirmation in writing
17. Receive confirmation in writing
18. Be advised that by Toddler's 2nd Birthday, will be called for an appointment
19. Ask if an appointment can be made now
20. Be advised that it can not be made as the right branch needs to call you up
21. Toddlers 2nd Birthday comes and goes
22. Ring up free dental service for the hurry along
23. Be advised someone will call in the next week or two
24. Time frame has now passed
25. Call up to make booking
26. Say Toddlers name - person on other end thinks you said "Chris" (instead of MAX)
27. Spell out Toddlers name
28. Tell person Toddlers last name - say the usual phrase for last name (most people get it... With an "E")
29. Person at other end ask you to spell it out
30. Spell it out using proper phonetic alphabet
31. Person at other end thinks the name starts with "K" (it DOES NOT!)
32. Finally get the right name through
33. Be advised that Toddler's name is not in the system (scream profanities in head)
34. Aloud, state that you have received written confirmation that Toddler was enrolled
35. Tell person on the other end Toddler's NHS number for them to check again
36. Person at other end says "OH, so it's Max ..... with an 'E' "
37. Bang phone against head and let out breath
38. Confirm with person on other end of the line that is correct
39. Find that the only appointment available is next week early in the morning
40. Confirm that it is fine (Gees, it wasn't THAT early - 8.45am)
41. Confirm Toddlers birthdate
42. Person on other end of the phone rattles off own address
43. Confirm that the address is correct
44. Person on other end of the phone  advises that because of where the address is, Toddler has to go to another dentist location and that an appointment will need to be booked with that branch
45. Pull phone away from ear (thinking more profanities) and stare at it in disbelief
46. Take deep breaths and ask to be transferred to that branch
47. Be advised that the person can not do that 
48. Take more breaths and think more profanities
49. Ask person on other end of the phone for the number of the correct branch Toddler can be booked into (Through clenched teeth)
50. Person give number and advises that because it is close to 4pm, they may not answer (called this branch at 3pm)
51. Curtly thank person on the other end of the line and hang up
52. Calm self down, check time (3.50pm)
53. Decide to try one more time
54. Ring correct branch and have a Lovely Lady answer
55. Calmly explain to Lovely Lady that Toddler was enrolled at birth, and now that he is 2, he needs his first appointment, and can we please book it for next week if an appointment is available...
56. Lovely Lady asks for NHS number
57. Give Lovely Lady NHS number and hold breath
58. Lovely Lady taps away on the computer "I have an appointment available next week in the afternoon"
59. Release breath and confirm that time is perfect
60. Lovely Lady confirms Date, Time and Address of appointment
61. Thank Lovely Lady with a smile and hang up
62. Make self a cup of well deserved tea and sit down for cuddles with the Toddler.