How To: Make a Toddler's Lunch

1. Toddler open's fridge
2. Ask Toddler if they want lunch
3. Toddler nods
4. Ask Toddler what they watch for lunch
5. Toddler points to items in fridge
6. Pull out: Tomato Sauce, Bbq Sauce, Luncheon sausage, Peanut butter, and strawberry jam
7. Toddler still pointing into fridge
8. Ask Toddler to use their words
9. Toddler gets upsets and still pointing in fridge
10. Point to every item in fridge only for Toddler to get even more upset
11. Lift Toddler up to show what they want
12. Toddler points to the light in the fridge 
13. Toddler says "Light Fridge!"
14. Smile and say "Yes! There is a light on in the fridge"
15. Put Toddler down and close fridge door
16. Look at bits and pieces out the fridge and decide to make PB&J Sandwiches and slices of luncheon with the two sauces as dips.
17. Make Sandwich and slice luncheon sausage 
18. Pick up Bbq sauce and squeeze bottle
19. Sauce squirts everywhere except downwards
20. Toddler giggles "MESS!"
21. Laugh with Toddler "Oh dear! Yes, mess!"
22. Clean up spilled sauce 
23. Put Bbq sauce under hot tap to remove congealed sauce on cap (should've done this at last use Doh!)
24. Squeeze Bbq sauce and Tomato sauce onto plate
25. Put Toddler into bib and high chair (as it's a messy meal and still folding washing)
26. Give Toddler a drink of water in sip cup, along with uneaten mandarin pieces, now defrosted peas from earlier and a yoghurt for luck.
27. Toddler eats all on his plate - avoids peas and mandarin but will not allow them to be thrown out

How To: Clean a Toddler's Hand, a Foot and a Mouth

1. Go to Dr's appointment to discuss something very important
2. Take along Hubby to back up importance (and to look after Toddler)
3. Walk into Dr's office and sit down
4. Toddler does a poo
5. Sit and talk with Dr 
6. Toddler starts exploring Dr's office
7. Dr picks Toddler up for a cuddle - gets whiff of poo
8. Dr puts Toddler down
9. Finish appointment and head home
10. Get home
11. Ask Toddler to come to bedroom to change nappy
12. Toddler runs to bedroom and hides between bed and window
13. Call Toddler out
14. Toddler is in an ignoring mood
15. Tell Toddler to come out on the count of three 
16. Count to three
17. Toddler refuses to move
18. Come out and ask Hubby to help get Toddler out of tricky spot
19. Hubby calls out to Toddler "Come out, or you'll get a sore bum from your poo!"
20. Toddler comes running out
21. Take Toddler back to bedroom
22. Put Toddler on change mat
23. Take nappy off Toddler
24. Toddler kicks out
25. Dodge kick
26. Toddler puts Monkey "Down There" 
27. Take Monkey off Toddler (yes, covered in poo)
28. Toddler puts foot down in poo
29. Toddler kicks out again
30. Toddler scores kick into stomach 
31. Poo shaped foot print now on front of off-white coloured t-shirt (NEVER wear white when you have a Toddler)
32. Call Hubby to help
33. Hubby comes and tries to give hug to help calm down
34. Warn Hubby about the poo
35. Hubby steps back as if infected with the plague
36. Laugh and leave Hubby to it with Toddler
37. While rinsing poo off shirt and Monkey hear: "No."
38. Hear "Don't do that!"
39. Hear "NO! NOT THE FOOT!"
40. Hear "No, don't touch it"
41. Hear "NO DON'T EAT IT!"
42. Hear "Oh no, no, no, no, NO! HELP!"
43. Crack up laughing and head back to bedroom to help Hubby (it's either that or crying)
44. Take over situation and send dry retching Hubby away to get some fresh air
45. Finish cleaning Toddler up - pay close attention to Todder's hand, foot and mouth
46. Strip change mat cover and two blankets off the bed (covered in poo hand and foot prints) 
47. Put Monkey, blankets, change mat cover, t-shirt and Toddlers pants into washing machine

How To: Feed the birds

1. Put leftover breakfast crusts, crumbs and last nights popcorn into a bowl
2. Take outside with Toddler
3. Throw bowlful of leftovers onto the lawn
4. Toddler runs up to crumbs
5. Toddler bends down and starts eating crumbs off the lawn
6. Tell Toddler the food is for the birds
7. Toddler stands up and looks for birds
8. Toddler can't find birds
9. Toddler continues to eat food off the lawn
10. Tell Toddler that he is NOT a bird
11. Take Toddler over to playground
12. Hubby make lunch
13. Hubby throws left over bread at us on the playground
14. Toddler picks it up
15. Tell Toddler to break up and throw to the birds
16. Toddler points to the trees "Birds"
17. Agree with Toddler "Yes, birds are in the trees"
18. Throw bread onto the lawn with Toddler's help
19. Sit and wait for birds to come get the food
20. Toddler jumps down off the playground 
21. Toddler gets onto tricycle
22. Toddler rides around picking the broken bread off the lawn and eating it as he goes around for a ride
23. Remind Toddler that he is NOT a bird
24. Toddler picks up piece of bread and says "Bird bread"
25. Agree with Toddler "Yes, that bread is for the birds"
26. Toddler grins and put bread in his mouth

How To: Feed a Toddler a musley bar

1. Toddler asks for a musley bar
2. Go into pantry for musley bar
3. Open jar 
4. Hold jar down to Toddler for them to choose
5. Toddler chooses a "Milkie"
6. Put lid on jar and return to pantry
7. Look outside - it's sunny
8. Decide to put a load of washing on
9. Go into bedrooms and collect washing
10. Slightly wake Hubby up
11. Reassure Hubby you're just doing washing and they can go back to sleep (it's their turn for a long sleep in)
12. Fill up washing machine
13. Turn washing machine on
14. Turn around and find Toddler munching on Milkie 
15. Realise that even though you gave the bar to Toddler, you forgot to take the wrapper off...
16. Take bar off Toddler and open wrapping to find it all mushy crumbs
17. Put in bin and give Toddler new Milkie (wrapper removed this time)

How To: Have a lovely evening with good friends

1. Invite friends to games night for your birthday party
2. Have most decline for many good reasons (expected most of them)
3. Discover you can't get to the board game cupboard as it's blocked by heaps of boxes
4. Decide to play card games instead
5. Order Pizza's - repeat to pizza shop several times that it's THREE GLUTEN FREE PIZZA'S and ONE Garlic Bread  with NO CAPSICUM (Pizza's were Hawaiian, Butter Chicken and Thai)
6. Collect Pizza's - Tell random window washer that NO, you don't need your car washed
7. Get home - put chicken nuggets and chips in oven
8. One couple of friends turn up with own Toddler (will call this Toddler "Toddler B")
9. Toddler M (our Toddler) gives Toddler B a hug 
10. All adults give a collective "Awwww"
11. Serve drinks, pizza and chicken nuggets and chips to Toddler M and Toddler B
12. Find out that there was capsicum on one of the pizza's, but at least they got everything else right
13. Have a good catch up chat with friends while watching Toddlers
14. Toddler M decides to feed Todddler B
15. Finish up dinner and clear plates with Toddlers help
16. Put GF Apple Pie in the oven - turn timer on
17. Decide to play Battle of the Sexes card game
18. Pull out blocks for Toddlers to play with
19. Start playing the card game - girl's doing well against the boys
20. Toddler M teaches Toddler B a new game - banging blocks on he coffee table
21. Stopp Toddlers from banging blocks on table
22. Toddler M starts to take pants off 
23. Help Toddler M to put pants back on and check nappy in process
24. Both Toddlers need changing - put Toddlers in PJ's
25. Timer for apple pie goes off
26. Put down colourful quilt for Toddlers to sit on
27. Serve everyone apple pie with vanilla ice cream
28. Toddler M finishes ice cream first - notices that Toddler B is taking longer
29. Toddler M steals part of Toddler B's ice cream
30. Tell Toddler M that you don't take Toddler B's ice cream
31. Give Toddler B their ice cream back
32. Finish up with dessert  and clean up
33. Tell Toddler M to put their pants on
34. Put Kungfu Panda on to the delight of Toddler B
35. Sit Toddler M and Toddler B in baby doughnut with Thomas quilt
36. Give each Toddler a Monkey to hold onto (Toddler M insisted)
37. Continue to play battle of the sexes
38. Toddlers tire of movie and decide to play on ride on toys
39. Toddlers ride toys down to Toddler M's bedroom
40. Hear Toddlers laughing followed by some banging
41. Toddler B starts crying (Toddler M still laughing, with banging going on)
42. Check on Toddlers 
43. Find Toddler B holding head and Toddler M with walking toy banging it on blocks box laughing
44. Confort Toddler B and Tell Toddler M we don't bang walking toys around and to be careful with Toddler B
45. Toddler M gives Toddler B an "I'm Sorry" hug
46. Ask Toddler M where his pants are - put pants back on Toddler M
47. Settle Toddlers back in lounge with us and finish playing battle of the sexes
48. Girls win battle of the sexes - 58 points to 51
49. Friends go home with Toddler B
50. Toddler M goes straight to bed - no fuss
51. Look round lounge at mess Toddlers made with toys
52. Decide to tidy up in the morning and go to bed
53. Before going to sleep, think about how much fun was had and think it should be done more often

How To: Put a Duck in a Cup with a Hippo on top

1. Get woken up by Toddler at 3am
2. Bring Toddler in bed for cuddles
3. Go back to sleep
4. Get woken at 6am being kicked in stomach by Toddler
5. Tell Toddler through tears of pain that you don't kick - it hurts
6. Toddler giggles and tries to kick again
7. Grab Toddlers foot and give it a kiss (it's the only way you think you can diffuse the situation as the tired brain before the morning coffee can't think of anything else)
8. Toddler giggles
9. Toddler stands up and tries to swing from hanging lamp above bed
10. Unhook Toddler's hands from lamp and tell them we don't swing from the lamp - they are NOT Tarzan.
11. Toddler giggles
12. Lie back down and count to 10
13. Get kicked in stomach again
14. Toddler giggles
15. Roll over and ignore Toddler - still counting to 10...
16. Toddler giggles and counts in cutest angelic voice "1...2...3....1....2...3...."
17. Roll back over and look at Toddler
18. Toddler gives best smile
19. Laugh and give Toddler a hug
20. Toddler says "UP"
21. Toddler gets down off bed and hands you dressing gown
22. Get up and make breakfast
23. Sit Toddler in high chair facing the windows for them to watch the morning traffic go down the road
24. Have breakfast and morning coffee
25. Get Toddler dressed for the day
26. Have quick shower and get dressed
27. Walk out the door and get Toddler in car
28. Give Toddler their duck in a cup with a hippo on top for good measure
29. Open Gates
30. Walk back to car and realise your favourite flats are falling apart
31. Pop back inside and quickly grab spare slip on shoes - throw favourite flats into the bin *sniff*
32. Get back to car - Toddler still looking at hippo
33. Go into town
34. Drop library books off
35. Tell Toddler we're going for a walk
36. Go for a walk to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"
37. Attend speech therapist Q&A workshop
38. Toddler happy to play with toys in room and other children
39. Toddler brings over alphabet puzzle
40. Toddler points to letters
41. Tell Toddler what letters are and do the phonetics of them  (S is for Snake... SSSSS-Snake)
42. Have other two Toddlers come over and start pointing to letters
43. Make the sounds out for each letter to joy of Toddler and other Toddlers
44. Feel relaxed enjoy playing ABC's with children
45. Ask speech therapist questions about Toddler's speech - they confirm things that may need to be tested and that we're doing the best thing with other concerns (which are no longer concerns now!)
46. Feel satisfied that you're doing the best that you can for Toddler and they are coming along very well
47. Finish up workshop and tell Toddler that we're going to get into the pram and go for another walk
48. Toddler gets into pram happily (no fuss!) and says "Let's go!"
49. Leave Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and go to cafe for lunch
50. Toddler excited to have mini coffee cup like Mummy's
51. Finish lunch and go into Artisan Beads
52. Buy more embellishments for scrapbooking tonight
53. Discuss possible products to make with beads and embellishments
54. Buy something pretty for Toddler (A heart to make into something special for them later)
55. Leave get to car park
56. Give Toddler musley bar and sit to watch construction across the road from carpark
57. Toddler lets off squeal 
58. Look at Toddler
59. Toddler pointing at entrance to carpark and the cars
60. "Mum! Look! Car! In there!"
61. Look for a bit and realise what is making him very excited are the cars coming into the carpark entrance and "Magically" changing into a different colour or type of vehicle when they leave (we are on the second floor and the entrance is just below where we are standing - none of the cars are coming up the ramp) 
62. Smile and tell Toddler "WOW! Magic!"
63. Toddler then repeats "WOW! Look it, Magic!" for the next half hour until no more cars are coming in or out
64. Convince Toddler that the Magic is over for now and we need to get home
65. Put Toddler in car seat
66. Give Toddler a Duck in a Cup with a Hippo on top
67. Drive home with Toddler singing "WOW! Hippo, Car Magic, Duck Cup"

How To: Spend your Birthday in 101 ways!

1. Get woken up with a "Happy Birthday"and a kiss from Hubby at 5am
2. Hear Toddler wake up
3. Have Toddler come in for morning cuddles
4. Go back to sleep until 7.30am when the first lot of birthday text's come in
5. Have Toddler say "OOOOH! Phone!" each time you receive a text
6. Get up for the day and start making breakfast
7. Toddler helps feed the cat (wants to give the cat all the sachets of food in cat bowl)
8. Take cat food off Toddler
9. Open one sachet into cat bowl and give to Toddler to feed cat
10. Toddler puts cat food down - cat didn't follow
11. Toddler "walks" the cat to the cat food (by holding it's tail and cat walking in front)
12. Remind Toddler to be gentle with cat
13. Ask Toddler what they want for breakfast
14. Toddler opens pantry and points to KBAR Chocolate
15. Smile and tell Toddler they can't have chocolate for breakfast
16. Toddler doesn't like that...
17. Have an open/close pantry door competition with Toddler
18. Make Toast for Toddler - compromise by putting nutella on one piece (one way to confuse Toddler on the whole "we don't have chocolate for breakfast" issue)
19. Eat breakfast and check emails and FB
20. Toddler pushes over heater (heater off)
21. Tell Toddler you don't push over heaters as it is dangerous
22. Toddler wants to get Thomas book from a higher shelf he can reach
23. Toddler goes on tippy toes to collect book
24. Toddler falls into toy box
25. Help Toddler out of toy box
26. Toddler flips over toy box to use to get Thomas book
27. Toddler climbs on toy box and pulls books out below Thomas book (dumping them on the floor)
28. Toddler gets Thomas book and starts reading
29. Pick up books and toys off floor and put away
30. Get ready to go out
31. Leave Toddler with Trusty Grandpa
32. Head to cafe - find out they have a hidden upstairs you didn't know about
33. Order a Spicy Pumpkin Loaf (GF) and a Vanilla Late
34. Go upstair to inspect this hidden gem...
35. Happily find a 1950's style sitting room/dining room set out in the upstairs part
36. Pick a chair, pull out diary and sit down for an afternoon of catch up
37. Finish writing and enjoy the rest of the coffee
38. Leave cafe and visit bead shop
39. Browse the beads for scrapbooking embellishments
40. Find a Hat for Toddler - buy awesome cool hat
41. Go op-shop exploring - buy another toy for Toddler
42. Get home make coffee for self and Trusty Grandpa - Milo for Toddler
43. Make dinner for Toddler and Trusty Grandpa (Toasted Sammies)
44. Go out to Dinner with Hubby at The Good Home (AWESOME Food!)
45. Collect ice cream for dessert on the way home
46. Get home to find Toddler still up
47. Toddler spots ice cream
48. Give Toddler a little bit of ice cream before bed (BIG mistake)
49. Take Toddler to bed - Read three stories, sing alphabet and There was an old lady... Toddler asleep
50. Decide to spend rest of the night sorting out ribbon drawer
51. Hubby and Trusty Grandpa goes to bed
52. Continue sorting out ribbons
53. Hear Toddler SCREAM
54. Run into room and find Toddler half out of bed - head first
55. Pick Toddler up and give a cuddle to calm down
56. Toddler is sick - over himself, over you and over monkey (thankfully bed is fine)
57. Carry Toddler to bathroom
58. Strip  Toddler down and cover in towel to keep warm while getting warm wet cloth to finish cleaning
59. Wet cloth - Toddler is sick on floor
60. Toddler cries "Mess! It's a mess" 
61. Cover with towel - pull Toddler in for a cuddle
62. Tell Toddler we'll clean up the mess later
63. Tell Toddler they are going to be ok
64. Tell Toddler that it's shower time
65. Toddler says No.
66. Tell Toddler we need to get clean to feel better
67. Toddler says NO.
68. Tell Toddler "Monkey is sick and doesn't feel well, how about we give Monkey a shower to make him feel better?"
69. Toddler nods and gets into the shower
70. Have shower without Monkey (Toddler threw him out)
71. Turn off shower - Toddler doesn't want to get out
72. Step out of Shower 
73. Wrap Toddler and Self in Towels
74. Take Toddler to warm lounge to change into clothes
75. Toddler wants Monkey
76. Monkey is still "sick"
77. Put Monkey in washing machine with towels
78. Give Toddler water, gripe water and pamol to help them feel better
79. Take Toddler into Hubby to cuddle
80. Get Dressed, clean up remainder of mess and search for spare Monkey
81. Find spare Monkey on washing line - DRENCHED 
82. Mentally hit head against wall - this is the reason we have spare Monkey for times like these
83. Bring spare Monkey in and put in hot water cupboard
84. Collect Toddler off Hubby and put Toddler to bed
85. Toddler wants Monkey
86. Go through ALL of Toddler's toys on the off chance he might choose one instead
87. Fail
88. Go though blankets to see if Toddler will choose one instead of Monkey
89. Partially fail - Toddler now want's "Mummy Cuddles Blanket" AND Monkey
90. Take Toddler into lounge for Mummy Cuddles and Fireman Sam
91. Toddler getting better, starts playing with Ribbons - Time for bed again
92. Check spare Monkey - still very wet
93. Washing machine finishes
94. Pull out Monkey - slightly more dry then spare Monkey
95. Go to bathroom and turn on heater
96. Stand under heater with Monkey until dry
97. Turn heater off and put Toddler to bed
98. Play the game "Put Toddler to bed 20 times"
99. Finally return to lounge, pack up ribbons
100. Look at time - 2.30am!!!
101. Go to bed.